“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
– William Shakespeare
Self-doubt is a lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities. I’ve spent years trying to understand what self-doubt means. When I read the definition above, it just all seems so simple – so black and white, and so obvious.
But it’s not.
In my experience, self-doubt has always been this looming presence in my life, hanging over my head like a dark cloud that’s about to break. Self-doubt finds me in my day-to-day life, and it’s utterly inescapable.
Self-doubt is unpredictable, and it seems to transpire at the most inopportune moments. It occurs daily, and transforms any idea into a negative thought. This negative thought creates this spiraling black hole effect that sucks you down until you’re left numb and motionless. It echoes into your mind your deepest fears, and confirms them all instantaneously. And for this reason, among others, self-doubt is extremely dangerous.
While there is no prescription you can get at the drug store to cure self-doubt, there are ways you can combat it.
Be Optimistic
Interestingly enough, I’ve always considered myself an optimistic person, I always have (and still do) look at the world as a glass that is half full – full of hope, promise and opportunity. Every negative occurrence has a silver lining, a lesson to be learnt and has reason that can be discerned.
This positive perspective on the external world helps put my mind at ease, and distracts me from the internal world that exists within my own mind. And because I can’t seem to control my thoughts, I seek consult in what I can control – my actions.
Control Your Thoughts
After all, they are your thoughts. Have a conversation with those thoughts that are causing the self-doubt, and regain control of your mind. Ask these negative thought patterns to reveal themselves and their identity. Once you do so, you’ll start to realize how absurd self-doubt really is, because no one is there controlling your thoughts. You have the control, so exercise it.
Remember That You Are Not Your Thoughts
From the moment you wake up in the morning to when you go to sleep at night, your mind is an open door to new experiences and thought processes. Processes that can’t simply be turned off, and controlling your thoughts all day, every day will prove to be utterly exhausting and emotionally draining. With that being said, when you are experiencing thoughts that are self degrading or poke at your worth or character, try your best to remember that they are just thoughts. Thoughts are an idea or option produced by thinking or occur suddenly in the mind. Therefore, thoughts are tools. You are not your thoughts (at least, not in their entirety).
Talk to Someone About it
When you keep your thoughts inside, they can become distorted and exaggerated. Talking to a close friend or family member will help bring self-doubting thoughts to light; and once vocalized, you’ll be reminded (once again) how exaggerated these thoughts have become. Plus, your loved ones will undoubtedly help change your perspective. Always remember, you are never alone.
Wake Up Right
When you wake up in the morning, think to yourself, “Hey, today’s going to be a damn good day!” In fact, this positive thought process biochemically makes a difference in your body – to choose thoughts enough that it generates that emotion. After all, what you manifest is before you. It’s all about regaining control over your thoughts and the self.
I tend to sabotage myself with the thoughts I think. In the past, time and time again I have given them the power to manifest in my mind, and control my actions. I have actively allowed self-doubt to control my life for years, and fueled by fear, it has grown and festered. But when do you say, enough is enough?
I think it’s that moment of realization, the epiphany that clears the fog for long enough so that you can see clearly. From there, you can identify what’s holding you back. Self-doubt has convinced me, or rather, I have convinced myself, that I am not worthy of love, and therefore, has inhibited me from forming strong relationships. Resulting, I’ve always kept myself at arm’s length from anyone I’ve loved.
But, enough is enough. I’m saying it right now.
There are ways to combat self-doubt, and I acknowledge them. With that being said, I will no longer let self-doubt and fear be an excuse for my failures, and will actively work towards overcoming any negative thought patterns. It’s not fair for me, and more importantly, it’s not fair for the ones I love.
Enough is enough.