The changing of body and mind – feat. An interview with actor Jordan Fowlie.
There was a time when gender definition wasn’t really a topic of debate. People went through their lifelong papers and files, pulled out a birth certificates and had no doubts about the word printed out on that piece of paper that defined them as either “male” or “female”. But as thought evolved, so did the idea to question what hadn’t been questioned before. And not only to look for an answer, but to challenge society on what was deemed natural and right, and to pursue a true feeling of identity and belonging.
In this case, the belonging to your own body. What is it like to feel like a stranger in your skin? Jordan Fowlie remembers the moment it all dawned on him: “I was just lying in bed. I had researched about the subject and about people identifying as transgender just before, and it hit me – I’m trans”. The Calgary-born transgender actor stars in Hir, a production of the acclaimed playwright by Taylor Mac, which addresses topics such as identity crisis, patriarchy, and gender in a realistic and relatable fashion. Jordan plays Max, a teenager experiencing the glory along with the difficulties of coming out.
Photo taken by Emily Cooper
During his transition, Jordan recalls it being “terrifying but amazing”. The sense of freedom that comes with the acceptance and relief of belonging to your own body is like no other. Having a supportive family also helps. All throughout his academic career, Jordan attended both Catholic school and University and a had “a very good childhood”, in his own words. When the time came to sit down and explain what the young actor was going through, the environment was not hostile. “I sat with my parents a couple of times in the beginning, and it wasn’t that they weren’t accepting. It was more of a feeling of not understanding. That was kind of challenge, but we kept sitting down, and it took us a couple years but eventually everyone was on the same page”.
In the beginning, the process was slow. The exterior part was the easiest to change, according to Jordan. “I started dressing more masculine and I also cut my hair short. They were baby steps”. The next step would be to talk to a specialist regarding body composition topics – would there be an ingestion of hormones? Was there a desire for surgery? It was all still very new. “Eventually I scheduled an appointment, which actually took two years to finally happen because of the very long waitlist. But looking at it now, I’m thankful for the wait because it only solidified the idea of change, and it made me more confident”.
His exterior wasn’t the only thing that changed. The world can be a wonderful and exciting place – but it can also be mean and full of judgement. With that in mind, Jordan made changes to his lifestyle and relationships with the purpose of sparing him any kind of letdown. “In any environment that I felt safe, I allowed myself to really open up and express my true self. At that point, I looked at my friends and started to decide who I really trusted and who belonged in that safe environment”.
Photo taken by Emily Cooper
Bravery is an understatement for people who decide to change their lives so drastically. Jordan describes himself as a people-pleaser, and was more concerned about hurting other people, than getting hurt himself. It took him a long time to elect change over fear. Aside from that, theatre was also a major contributor to the expression of Fowlie’s true self. “Theatre really encouraged me to break out of that shell to the point where I am able to completely open up”. When asked if he thought the identity crisis was over, and if he had discovered everything there is to discover about himself, Jordan replied “It’s constant. You never really stop. New things pop up and you have to ask yourself, ‘okay, but how do I feel about that?’ It’s constant questioning”.
Hir will be playing at the Pi Theatre in Vancouver from November 22 to December 8, 2018. For more information on the play and tickets, head to www.pitheatre.com/hir
*This article was written with the author’s personal experiences and opinions