In today’s dating scene, the increase in “situationships” has made the boundaries between a friendship and actual romance fuzzy. With these kinds of relationships that aren’t defined by any labels or commitment, some people may say you get the best of both worlds: intimacy without having the additional pressure of exclusivity. However, even though this may seem a carefree way to enjoy companionship, it can quickly become complicated.
As mentioned, situationships are romantic connections that exist within a gray area between friendship and a committed relationship. While they often involve activities and benefits typically associated with couples, such as spending time together and sharing intimate moments, a formal label or commitment is lacking. This ambiguity can appeal to those who desire the companionship of a relationship without the perceived limitations of exclusivity. However, the uncertainty inherent in situationships can often lead to emotional turmoil, unclear boundaries, and missed opportunities for genuine, fulfilling partnerships. As the downsides of situationship culture are explored, it’ll become quite apparent that this modern dating trend is more toxic than what meets the eye.
EMOTIONAL UNCERTAINTY
Emotional uncertainty is one of the most draining aspects of being stuck in a situationship. This can be seen as the hallmark of situationships, bringing instability and inner turmoil, both of which are hard to shake. While the blurred lines of a situationship can often lead to confusion and hurt feelings, it also brings even deeper pains of insecurity, anxiety, and jealousy, as one partner may never know where they stand. Take, for instance, the dynamic Rachel and Ross have in Friends. They had a whole “we’re on a break” debacle, pulling and tugging on each other’s emotions. This highlights the confusion and hurt that can arise when boundaries are left unclear. In this scenario, jealousy becomes an unspoken burden since neither side feels entitled to express their feelings fully. When one person in the situationship sees their partner showing affection or attention to someone else, the sting is real. Unfortunately, there is no official relationship status to validate that hurt. One or both sides are put in an emotional limbo that doesn’t just create tension but also stops both people from experiencing the stability and security that come with a real committed relationship. Let’s do our best not to be like Ross and Rachel.
With that in mind, common excuses for avoiding a committed relationship, such as “I’m not ready” or “I’m still not over my ex,” can cause misunderstandings and emotional distress. This ambiguity can also be seen as a lack of respect for the other person’s time and emotional investment. For instance, a friend of mine became involved in a situationship where her partner treated her like a girlfriend but refused to commit. Despite her efforts to define the relationship, he remained indecisive, ultimately leading her to end things and find a more fulfilling partnership.
MISSED OPPORTUNITIES FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Situationships can and often do lead to missed opportunities to create healthier and deeper connections, as the time spent in these sorts of ambiguous relationships can hold someone back from finding fulfilling partnerships. In Sex and the City, the iconic Carrie Bradshaw goes through issues with Mr. Big. He strings her along with his charming yet hollow words and inconsistent behavior. We see this heavily through his inconsistent actions. He constantly switches between hot and cold communication, being overly lovey with big romantic gestures and sudden detachment, like when he proposes to Carrie and soon after retreats. There are also times when he flat-out avoids defining their relationship or making future plans, all in the name of needing his space. And probably one of his worst moments, he gives further mixed signals by pulling Carrie into his life only to take a step back yet again. He puts himself above her and their relationship and moves to California without really discussing anything with her, leaving her in the dust. Mr. Big doing these things stops her from finding the committed relationship she has always wanted.
As a college student, I’ve seen many friends caught in situationships, longing for a committed relationship but held back by the other person’s inability to offer that security. Instead of moving forward, they’re left in a frustrating limbo, getting nothing but false hope, sweet talk, and mixed signals. Instead of stepping up and investing in a genuine connection, many college students just want to have “fun” and mess around. But by doing this, they waste not just their own but another individual’s time in a relationship that will never truly fulfill them, ultimately missing out on the opportunity to have something tangible and long-lasting.
There is also a subcategory to this, which is that there is a fear of commitment hindering personal growth and development. When we look at how this is demonstrated in entertainment media, the movie La La Land shows the main characters, Mia and Sebastian, struggling to balance their dreams and relationships. As this is happening, they miss the chance to commit themselves to one another fully. The mix of them trying to follow their own aspirations and lack of overall commitment keeps them from having what could have been a beautiful, deep, meaningful, romantic connection.
THE TAKEAWAY
All in all, situationships may seem fun and convenient in the moment, but in the long run, it might not be worth it, as so often, all it amounts to is confusion and heartache. Simply put, it’s draining and toxic. Situationship culture sometimes seems like the only thing going on college campuses, but trust, the right person will eventually come along. Suppose you’re currently in a situationship or want to take the steps to prevent one. In that case, it is so crucial for you and your partner to communicate openly and be transparent about your intentions and goals. Do not let someone toy with your emotions or string you along. You are worth more than that. Be clear about your boundaries and what you expect from the relationship. When you stand firm in your needs and desires, you will attract the right people and, in doing so, avoid the drama of a situationship. Spend your time pursuing the committed and loving relationship you deserve!
Do you have any advice for those dealing with a situationship? Let us know @HerCampusSJSU!