Every day, we pass strangers we probably will never see again. We may not think anything of them besides getting to their destination, just like you. However, beneath that surface-level observation is an important realization– every stranger you pass has a life as complex as your own.
What is sonder? According to Holstee, sonder is “the realization that every person you pass or observe is living a life as complex and filled with meaning as your own.” Everyone has their own relationships, struggles, and successes. However, from a single glance, we may not think anything of them but may make first-impression judgments based on how they are presented. In your view, they are a background character in your life and vice versa.
This term was coined by John Koenig, who created this concept because of his past experiences. In his childhood, he felt alienated as an American living in Switzerland with his family. Those feelings of isolation got him thinking about how few words the English language has for emotional states. As a result, he coined hundreds of words and collected them in his book “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows” for specific emotions with no English word to encapsulate them.
Although sonder isn’t a formal word listed in the dictionary, the meaning of this term resonates deeply with people because it encapsulates the humbling and humanizing experience of others’ experiences and lives. Living in a world that is very fast-paced and often emphasizes individualism, sonder allows us to have a pause and reflect on how we can all relate to the human experience. Unconsciously, we tend to view others in relation to ourselves, such as how others can provide for us. With sonder, it shatters that individualistic view and replaces it with empathy and understanding. It reminds us that our interactions still affect people, no matter how small or big they are.
So how can you embrace sonder in your everyday life? Being more observant is a key role in embracing sonder. When you’re walking to classes, take a moment to look at the people around you and practice empathy in your interaction. It’s human nature to make first-impression judgments on strangers. However, it’s important to recognize that there’s more to people than their surface level. Reducing judgment when interacting with others for the first time reminds us what we see and perceive is just a fraction of someone’s existence, and everyone has unseen battles and successes that shape who they are as a person.
In a college setting, it is essential to practice sonder because it is a powerful tool to build connections and empathy. Understanding how every person you interact with can reshape your interactions with others and make them more impactful. Having the mindset of looking past first impressions will build a foundation of mutual respect and compassion, which will make it easier to support each other through shared experiences. Embracing sonder in your college life can help you build more genuine relationships, reduce judgment, and uplift anyone you encounter.
How do you practice mindfulness? Let us know @HerCampusSJSU!