At San José State University, I have heard from friends and fellow students that this university— and the general San José area — has a population of people who aren’t serious about dating or are just simply described as “toxic.”
From people who plan meetings at a parking garage as a date to people who date around without letting their partners know — all examples I’ve heard. I have come to the conclusion that this city is simply an area where people aren’t looking for love — a city where your time is wasted
I decided to ask the women at San José State University via an anonymous online Google Form questionnaire for their experiences with dating and hook-up culture, and many had opinions that supported this case, but some did state the possibility of finding love in a self-proclaimed loveless city.
From my study, San José State seems to be a mostly heterosexual campus, based on the small sample size of 85 women from the university who responded to my questionnaire. This may be a factor in the opinions on love life at San José State University. The questionnaire included questions about dating apps, love life at other universities in the San Francisco Bay Area, and more, including chances to free-write about their experiences.
A common answer to the question “What was your worst relationship/hook-up experience here at SJSU?” included different variants of feeling disrespected by the men on campus. Many cited that the men here have been sexist, immature, or have plainly made the women at SJSU feel uncomfortable in multiple situations.
Because of this, over 40% of women rated the dating and hook-up scene at the university a one out of ten when asked to select their overall rating of the dating and hook-up scene at San José State, meaning it was absolutely horrible, even when asked to consider the activities to do around campus. Respondents’ answers included the responses “Just boring” and “The guys here don’t know how to plan dates.”
Many respondents considered this area of Downtown San Jose pretty boring, which can be understandable, as the majority of this area is either clubs, coffee shops, or restaurants—not much other activity. Furthermore, the activities that are around campus, such as the ax-throwing, a rage room, and a comedy club, can be pretty pricey for two people in college.
The majority (50%) of the women here at San Jose State are interested in having a long-term relationship, with only 14.3% actively looking for a hook-up, 28.6% already in a relationship of some sort (whether sexual, short-term/non-committal, or long-term), and 7.1% being appreciative of any of the above or simply not actively looking for something specific.
With the majority of women interested in creating some sort of connection — whether a hook-up or a type of relationship, dating apps are commonly used amongst the crowd. Hinge and Bumble are the most commonly used apps.
Despite the high usage of dating app users on this campus, 15% of people at SJSU found the dating and hook-up scene at UC Berkeley, UC Davis, and some of the nearby community colleges to have a better dating scene than San José State. Although the number may be small, people may be slowly losing their faith in love in San José State.
On the contrary, many people have had—or are having— great hookups or dating experiences while at San Jose State. Many people coming together say that they are in long-term relationships lasting more than a year, are in a healthy friends-with-benefits sexual relationship, or are enjoying the freedom of being sexually liberated.
From the responses, many women at San Jose State University aspire for sexual relationships or emotionally attached relationships to be filled with mutual respect and clarity. Being able to tell people what you want or don’t want should be an easy thing to say from the start.
Women also want people to be mature enough to engage in sexual-based relationships. Many of the respondents also provided tips to other girls exploring the dating or hook-up scene.
The overall message of these tips was that women should not be intimidated to continue to navigate sex and relationships. A lot of women simply said not to give up on dating, to be comfortable seeking long-term relationships, and to not be scared to try new things or a new type of person.
Most importantly, what I have learned from these responses to all the questions is that, as women, we should be comfortable sharing our experiences in all sexually or emotionally based relationships. Talking to other women can save our mental health, combat fears of dating, and help other women feel empowered in the world around them that lacks love and respect.
I encourage you to talk to the women in your life about your experiences with love and sex. Opening the conversation can lead to expanding and growing your relationships amongst friends; There is a strong likelihood your friends have many similar and different experiences, and we can all learn from every kind of story.
Got a date coming up? Share with us your tips and tricks, @HerCampusSJSU!