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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SJSU chapter.

We know all about the good that comes from the infamous soulmate trope, but what about the bad?

The conquest of love has been the overpowering experience that all of the humankind beautifully shares. Over centuries, we’ve been designed to believe that there is a perfect person in this world that will understand, connect, and accept us for who we are in the purest form of love: your soulmate. 

This recorded theory dates back to ancient Greeks who explained the original idea; we were born already paired with our soulmate but became separated and spread apart as an act of punishment from the Gods. Due to this, humans have been on a timeless search to find their true love and relish in happiness. In the wise words of Plato, we are all just “matching halves of a human whole”. 

Did this grand event really happen? We’ll never know, but the soulmate trope has been around ever since. 

Humans have become so reliant on the idea of destiny, that in a sense, we’ve lost our individuality. Relying upon finding happiness in the promise of our perfect person has created a dependency on finding that love, in which we feel incomplete. The everlasting pressure of being with a potential match, then leaves us conditioned to never feel the satisfaction of our soulmate because of the impending question, ‘what if
’.

Ultimately though this soulmate theory, people begin accepting the love that they think they deserve. It causes us to become blind-sighted about the reality of our situation. Of course, we can argue that a ‘soulmate’ would never harm or disrespect us, but the beauty of it all is that they can. Humans will make mistakes no matter the pedestal they are held on.  

By looking at our significant other through a warped point of view, we can allow them to hurt us in ways we wouldn’t allow the average person to. Lowering our standards and becoming more lenient in order to keep hold of that love we desire becomes almost a universal experience. 

In this, we eventually turn a blind eye to these faults, until it reaches a point of acceptance. The familiar feeling of hurt and silence becomes a comfort. We stop making efforts to fix our problems and choose to just live with them. 

Due to the two-way compromise, couples slowly become severely dependent on each other, thus losing their self-identity. It starts to be a world of fantasy and delusion until they eventually merge into one being through the confines of proposed love. All in all, the problems and flags that we chose to ignore in the beginning, always come back to ruin us in the end. 

When being in a relationship, we have to hold each other accountable for the actions and efforts we put forth every single day. In complete compliance, it’s necessary to take the needs and desires of your partner into full consideration to keep the bond healthy. Communicating our concerns in a calm and reassuring way will create better outcomes for the present and future. 

Additionally, there needs to be a balance in having passions, hobbies, niches, etc. that fulfill you as well as ones that you do alongside your S/O. Falling into the habit of living for your other half, can diminish your sense of belonging when being without them. We have to play an equal role in each other’s lives to reach our highest individual potential whilst being together. 

Humans are social beings who deserve to be loved and to be in love, but in a way that still preserves a sense of individuality and identity. We should not crave a Romeo and Juliette kind of romance (since they both died in the end), but instead a healthy, conditional one.  

Ultimately, self-love is the utmost important kind of love, because it’s a direct link to yourself. Prioritizing the journey of understanding, connecting, and accepting who you are should be the destiny we all follow first. Of course having someone special to care for is an amazing feeling, but in all honesty, the only person we truly have is ourselves. Taking the time to figure out who we are as a whole, is what will keep us complete. 

Can you relate to these negative truths about soulmates? Let us know @HerCampusSJSU

Muimina Abdella is a fourth year sociology major at San Jose State University with a passion for writing. Amongst many, her article niches include relationships, entertainment, and lifestyle. When she is not writing, you can probably find her at your nearest concert or coffee shop!