1. Not Accepting a Compliment
It seems to me that deflecting a compliment, especially for women, is a natural, intuitive reaction. “Hey, I really like your shoes!” is almost always responded with “Thank you, I got them on sale!” or “Really? They’re so old” or worse yet, “I had nothing else. You think they go?” Of course that person thinks they go. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have taken the moment to recognize your really awesome shoes. Accept the compliment and move on without asking for further approval. It eliminates a back-and-forth conversation about an opinion that was already voiced. Now say it after me, simply say, “thank you” before the generous and fashion conscious individual changes their mind.
2. Talking Yourself Down
This happens often after a compliment is given as well. After deflecting the compliment (as addressed in #1), you divulge into a further description of why that compliment really wasn’t warranted. “You look great today, Stacey.”
“Oh my god, I just ate a bagel. I ate so much this week. I really need to get to the gym. I feel so fat,” or “Thanks, I went to bed at 3 a.m, I am so exhausted. I have no time anymore. My life is falling apart.” No one needs to know whether or not you are tired, if you don’t look it! Nor does anyone need to hear about your week-long gorge sesh. Save it for your Mom, or bff. Own how you are being perceived if it complementary and don’t continue to harp on yourself. If you stop talking yourself down, you’ll stop believing those negative things too.
3. Saying Sorry
There are definitely times in life when saying sorry is appropriate, expected, and the “right” thing to do. There are times in your life when you owe it to loved ones and yourself to conjure up a heartfelt, sincere apology. There are other times that “sorry” is unnecessary, weakening, and useless. Man or woman, when someone uses the word sorry when they have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, they are influencing others to believe they are doing something wrong. For example, did you cough during a conversation, say “excuse me,” not “sorry.” If you aren’t doing anything wrong, don’t be sorry. For more examples, watch this tell-tale Pantene advertisement that illustrates how women often say sorry when they do not have to (i.e. handing your child over to your spouse is not worthy of an apology because the child is not solely your responsibility, but the both of yours.)
4. Calling Other People Perfect
Okay so maybe someone from your team, or sorority, looked really, really great in her latest Instagram. So great, in fact, that you commented “perfect”. Seemingly harmless, but a weighty word to describe a human. A human with emotions, thoughts, fears, and quirks. Emotions, thoughts, fears, and quirks that are beautifully imperfect and chances are, are also the reason they hold that “friend” status in your life. We don’t fall in love with perfect people. The word perfect is used to define something at its final destination, in its entirety, and an individual, namely one of that is of college age, is not even close to realizing his or her full, complete self. In a world that is ever changing, it is more important to love an individual (or double-tap your phone screen) for the celebration of the imperfections. For the imperfections that makes that individual your girlfriend, friend, or admired muse. Not because they adhere to a word that assumes we all strive for one definition.
5. Calling Other Girls Basic
The opposite of society’s overuse of the word perfect is the buzz word basic. I first remember basic in Kreyshawn’s “Gucci Gucci” track, but it has grown in popularity to describe girls who love pumpkin spice lattes, yoga pants, and say, “I can’t even.” Well, I do all of those things, but I wouldn’t describe myself as basic. In fact, I would describe myself as pretty complex, but I still like pumpkin spice lattes, yoga pants, and occasionally show my disdain by using abbreviations and sarcastic phrases. That doesn’t mean I don’t have interests, talents, and own my individuality. I do. And each individual that is called basic, does too. Total Sorority Move writer Veronica Grandex articulates here how detrimental calling yourself basic, or tolerating other people calling you basic can be. But it is also harmful to use that word to describe other people, especially women on women belittling. Like Ms. Norbury said in Mean Girls, “You have all got to stop calling each other basic. It just makes it okay for guys to call you basic.” In a world where women are scrutinized on a much harsher level than men, still earn less than men performing the same tasks, and we have yet to have a female President as our country’s leader, its time we stop blanketing each other with a mediocre term. Even if you don’t purposely objectify other females, take it a step further by recognizing each woman’s individuality, Starbucks cup in hand.
HCXO,
Taylor