Do you ever feel stressed over situations you can’t control, like you can’t move on from a situation or a person because you didn’t get the ending you want? If your answer is yes, then you’re in the majority. We humans tend to obsess over situations and have them play rent-free in our heads, analyzing all the possible outcomes that could have been. Does this make us happy, constantly thinking about how we can change how things ended? No. To end this cycle of constant overthinking, we should start to embody the art of detachment. “The art of detachment,” Debottam writes, “is a practice that allows individuals to maintain inner peace by letting go of excessive emotional attachment to people, situations, and outcomes. Essentially, he’s saying that “everything happens for a reason,” making it easier to move on from situations with a more positive mindset.
I first learned about the art of detachment in my senior year of high school and noticed a massive increase in my overall happiness once I implemented this mindset into my everyday life. Applying to colleges that year, I was extremely stressed about the possibility of not getting into my dream school—that would be the end of the world, right? Wrong. I did not end up committing to my dream college but ended up going to one my mom had to beg me to apply to. However, I am here now, and I can say that I am so grateful to attend my school and could not imagine going to another one. This goes to show that everything does happen for a reason because if I had not gone to this school, I would not have met my closest friends, I would not be going to the same school as my childhood best friend, and I would not have the goal-oriented mindset that this school has inspired me to adopt. This is just one example of things not working out how I wanted them to but eventually working out in my favor.
Applying this mindset to your relationships, romantic or platonic, that have ended can help you move on from those connections in a healthier way. For example, you could be going out with someone you are absolutely infatuated with, but then, suddenly, they decide to break up with you. It is no surprise that you might be devastated after this, and it might take you a very long time to heal and move on. Though a detachment mindset won’t necessarily bypass the pain that the loss might cause you, it may help you find peace faster. You will start to understand that this person just may not be your person and that there is something better waiting for you in the future. Basically, you understand that this event is leading to something better that you can not see now, and all you can do now is continue to live your life in a way that makes you happy.
Adding positive spins on upsetting situations helps rewire your brain to automatically have a more positive mindset. You can rewire your brain to learn this simply through affirmations and practicing positive thinking in your daily life. Some affirmations that align with the art of detachment are “everything happens for a reason” or “things are always working for me, not against me, even if it may not seem like it.” By saying these sayings over and over again, you’re going to start believing them and then embodying them. This is also highly beneficial for your self-confidence since you will live in a more peaceful mind where you understand that you can not control outcomes and that that’s okay. Secondly, a big part of the art of detachment is having a positive mindset. One of the easiest things you can do to rewire your brain to become more positive is to create a gratitude list every day where you write or say at least 5 things you were grateful for that day. Searching for positive things will help you see positive things more naturally.
Another thing I did, though it required a bit more effort, is searching for moments in your past that confirm the idea that everything is working in my favor. For example, I was going out with someone, and when things ended, I had a difficult time getting over it. However, I reframed this event as something I had to go through to learn lessons that have only improved my life since. Essentially, I put a positive reason for this sad event, showing everything does happen for a reason, even though I had no idea when I was going through this that it would leave me so much better off.
Sometimes, it’s so hard to detach ourselves from the outcomes since sometimes we find ourselves putting so much of our energy into this thing or person, so when it doesn’t work out, it feels wasted. But we need to learn to take this energy back and pour it into ourselves because then, when things don’t work out, we don’t waste so much energy on it because we did not make it the center of our universe. Once you learn to center your world around yourself and better yourself, you will naturally start to detach, and you will attract the people and situations that are meant for you because you see how they fit into your world, and not how to make yourself fit into theirs.
Works Cited:
Chakra, DeBottam. “Mastering the Art of Detachment for Enhanced Mental Well-Being.” Medium, 17 Aug. 2023, medium.com/@chakra