This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Skidmore chapter.
I don’t have any talents, and I’ll probably never actually be famous, but I’m definitely cut out for the lifestyle*. Here’s why:
- I never carry cash. Like, ever. I don’t even carry my wallet usually—just a cardholder with my card and my ID. I’ve heard that that’s a thing celebrities do, but I’ve also heard it’s a thing everyone does. Whatever.
- I love nice things, but I hate spending money. Celebrities get nice things sent to them for free. Win win.
- I love wearing sunglasses, like, all the time. I have these giant black sunglasses that cover my entire face—I once drove through Queens with the windows down, blasting Good Charlotte, and wearing those sunglasses and a giant black hoodie with the hood up. I feel like that just sums it up really well.
- I love seeing new places but I hate actually travelling—the expense, the hassle, the tiny airplane seats. Celebrities get to travel for work, so they’re being paid to do it. Plus, they fly first class, get really fancy hotels, and never have to handle anything themselves.
- Speaking of never doing anything for themselves: I hate responsibility. Any time I have to handle something myself, like making a dentist appointment or getting a cab to the airport, I have a mini panic attack. I basically need a personal assistant to help me survive in this cold, cruel world.
- I’m a really bad cook. I need a personal chef. A personal chef needs me.
- I need more likes on Insta. And I’m really funny on Twitter. But I’m extraordinarily average so no one pays attention to me.
- I know how to find good selfie light. A vital celebrity skill.
- I like to drink fancy alcohol and get drunk with my friends. This would be even more fun if my friends were all also celebrities and we could actually afford fancy alcohol.
- One time Jay Z made eye contact with me. So, like, I’m basically the chosen one.
*if it wasn’t clear, this is definitely a joke. just throwing that out there.