So usually, when people ask me what I’m most afraid of, I say snakes. That is somewhat true. I will scream if I’m near those legless creatures, but if I’m telling the whole truth, I am mostly afraid of cute boys. As your local cis gendered straight female, cute boys are scary for a couple of reasons.
- If they are cute, they probably know it. Most of the time this usually results in them not being great humans, dating partners, or friends.
- This reason is a little more serious than the others. Dating is scary. Feelings are scary. Some people find dating really easy, but the thought of becoming that close to someone is scary and not easy for me. I think this is where most of my fear of cute boys comes from. Not to be pessimistic, as Lara Jean says in “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before,” “When it’s real, it’s scary. The more people you let in your life, the more that can just walk out.” In any kind of relationship, there is a give and take and I’m always worried that I will give more than the other person.
- My mouth forgets English. I know this is usually what happens in movies, but I swear I become so tongue tied when they try to talk to me. I usually respond in incoherent sounds and a look of confusion passes over their face, which I take as my cue to exit fast.
- Life isn’t a movie, especially not “High School Musical.” Most boys are not Troy Bolton, which means you cannot Bet On Them. This means they will not serenade you or join you in harmony. Sometimes boys are just as confused and scared as you are so they won’t make the first move. This results in me trying to talk to them first, which results in the events that I mentioned in my third reason.
- Sometimes they are just dumb. They don’t really understand what cues mean when you are trying to talk with them. Now, I am also guilty as charged with doing this. I find myself being able to read other people’s actions and intentions really well, except when it comes to me. Maybe this reason is just a part of being human?
I wish it was just a matter of telling myself not to be scared, but as with any other fear, that rarely works. I think this fear gets less scary for me with age and experience. It is reminding myself that everyone else is human and messes up just as much as I do. It is reminding myself to use my big heart and to give all that I’ve got because it’s better to have tried and lost than to not have tried at all. If you are out there reading this and you also care about all people with every fiber in your being, do not try to shove your feelings down. Feel everything and feel it with everything you’ve got. Now sometimes there are just sucky boys, but the only thing that will make cute boys any less scary is going out with your heart on the line. To end with a quote from Lara Jean, “Love is scary. It changes. It can go away. That is part of the risk. I don’t want to be scared anymore.”