Being the ripe age of 18 years old and looking back at my high school years incites strange emotions that I never knew I was even capable of feeling. In high school, I was at the top: a two sport athlete, a member of countless clubs and ranked top 10 overall in my class. People recognized my face, knew my name and made me feel seen. I felt known.
When I arrived at college, I was quickly forced to realize that there was still a top, but I was most certainly not in it. Classes were completely independent and much more difficult than anything I have ever experienced in my life, and I felt lucky if two people recognized me in one day. Here I was, surrounded by welcome week posters and flyers telling me to “Speak my truth” and how “I belong here,” while simultaneously feeling like I no longer had a place in this world. I was no longer recognized by my name, but instead reduced to a nine digit ID-number that will continue to identify me for the next four years. In this system of Pre-health majors and unoriginality, greatness is the bare minimum; there have been students just like me before and there will be students exactly like me long after I graduate.
Once I came to terms with my severe alienation, I quickly realized that I could not survive college for long living in isolation like this. If I wanted to have any chance of being remembered and accomplished, I needed to do better than the half effort I put into my high school years. If you found yourself relating to any of these words, then I need you to remember these three things.
1. You are not alone.
If nothing else, you now know that there is at least one other person that feels the exact same way that you do, and sometimes that is all you need. Sharing pain is always better than bearing it by yourself. I see you, and I understand you, and if I do, then chances are someone close to you does, as well. You cannot go through this alone.
The first month of college was extremely lonely for me. Until I started reaching out and making connections with people, I knew that I would continue to sit in this pain until it bled out of me without any chance of being patched up. Don’t let it get to that point. Surround yourself with people that make you feel as if you are worth being listened to. For me, these people include my roommates, people from my residence hall and from classes and clubs that I am a part of. Reach out to people that you feel you could build a true connection with. Attending college should include the allowance of positive and uplifting people into your life. No one should ever make you feel like you are a burden. Don’t go through this alone.
2. You are not a machine, you are human.
You do not have the luxury of making zero mistakes during the day and recharging when you go back to your room for the night. You are instead limited by factors such as eating and sleeping, so get enough of both. Getting eight hours of sleep should not be a luxury you grant yourself on the weekends, but a standard nightly practice. The most important thing that you could ever do for yourself is to give your body rest, even when you don’t believe that you have earned or deserved it. You do.
3. your academic and/or social life does not define you. you define you.
You may think that a certain letter grade or score will determine the entirety of your future, but I can assure you that it will not. As someone that suffers from severe academic validation, I know firsthand what it’s like to feel like the world is crashing down around you if you don’t receive the grade that you desired. When this happens, I suggest that you recognize your pain, sit in it for only a moment and then move on. Take a shower and wash the feelings of rejection and worthlessness off of your body. Then, go to sleep! Save the processing and acceptance of emotions for your future self so you can take care of yourself in the present.
You may not think that you have a place in this sometimes cruel world, but I can assure you that you do. You are worth more than your college experience, your level of book smarts and the way that you view yourself. If you do nothing else after reading this, do me one favor: take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you belong here. You are in this exact place at this exact time for a reason, so act like it.