Have you ever encountered a guy that you just can’t shake? He’s a total sweetheart that you cannot make yourself be mean to, but at the same time, you cannot stand him at all. Maybe it was the latest hot guy from Tinder that had a wonderful profile, but his in-person personality was severely lacking. Or maybe it was a guy that made a great first impression at a party, but now you realize he doesn’t like “The Office” and it will never work.
This is the premise of one of the biggest Hollywood movies, starring the one and only Matthew McConaughey. However, this article is a completely different take, or maybe what the protagonist was supposed to write in the movie instead of falling in love. Here is “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (Unreleased Version).”
1. make yourself look unavailable.
When he calls you begging for a glimpse of your beauty, tell him you have made other plans. Maybe this means telling him you have a girls’ night planned when you are actually sitting in your room watching “New Girl” with your cat laying on your stomach to prevent you from moving. Regardless of the excuse you come up with, make it seem like you are busy and as if you are uninterested. Because you are.
As a side note, do not allow a guy to make your disinterest seem invalid. The beauty of dating is getting to know a person and seeing if you are compatible with them. Sometimes things don’t work out the first, second or fifth time and that is okay. It is also okay to go on a couple of dates before you realize it may not work out. There is a reason you don’t call yourselves “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” on the first date.
If you cannot seem to deter him by being busy at all times, I have some alternatives. When you go out together, make yourself seem unappealing. Skip the extra deodorant or outfit change after a long day of classes. Don’t bother brushing your teeth, taking a shower or straightening your hair. Rock your sweatpants like you would on a night in. Casually flirt with other guys in front of him. Do anything that your mother would say is “not lady-like” or would give you the side eye about. Basically, make yourself seem utterly repulsive. If you cannot act uninterested in him, make him become uninterested in you.
2. change your personality.
Chances are he didn’t just like you for your looks; he found something attractive about your personality. So, if you were acting unavailable when you met him, become super clingy. If you were well-mannered and charming, become unruly and a complete heathen. Basically, if you like recycling, start littering (but only in front of him because we want to save the turtles). Ideally, he will see this 180 in your personality, and he will do his own 180 and run away from you.
3. talk about the future.
No guy our age wants to talk about the future. So you tell him about your future together. This is the time to pull out that Pinterest board from middle school when you planned your wedding down to the exact date (mine was November 11). Talk about those kids’ names we all know you have in your phone. Skip over the first pet and go straight to talking about your firstborn child and the nursery set up. Utilize your Photoshop skills and print out what your children would look like. Explain how he will need to give up his career for the betterment of your career and your future children. It does not have to be the future you really want, but be convincing enough that you convince yourself and him that this is the future you want.
4. become a man’s worst nightmare.
You remember when Andie brought a love fern to Ben’s apartment in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”? That is exactly the kind of energy you want to have. Call his place of employment to talk to him, come up with a totally random song and refer to it constantly as your song (bonus points if it is overplayed and you cannot escape it), call him at 9 p.m. crying and saying that you know that he is going to break up with you, become clingy enough to call him every second of the day, talk about your ex-boyfriends, call at 3 a.m. and tell him everything (and I mean everything) about your day, start moving into his dorm/apartment/house without being asked (start with a toothbrush), tell him that you are his girlfriend without him asking you, introduce yourself as his girlfriend to anyone (especially his friends) and get a (fake) tattoo of his name (but he doesn’t have to know it’s fake). If Taylor Swift would put it in a breakup song, you are allowed to do it.
5. ghost him.
If all of this fails and he is still around, either you have not done your job or he is extremely (and I mean extremely) desperate. In these hard, perilous times, there is only one solution: ghost him. Block him on all social media and block his phone number. Make sure there is no possible way that he can find you or talk to you, and move on with your life. I would even consider moving to Paris as a way to shake this guy because he is clearly a Joe Goldberg if he is still interested in you after these drastic measures.
I really hope that these tips can help get you out of any sticky situation that Tinder, Bumble, Hinge or any shady dating app puts you in. Just to clarify, I do not recommend these traits for an actual relationship. Also, these changes should not be the first resort with a guy. Communication should always be your first line of defense in trying to explain your disinterest to a guy, and he should respect you enough to leave you alone. Remember that the golden rule for any relationship (and life) is to treat that person how you would want to be treated.
Furthermore, remember not to use these tricks on a guy you like—because he will definitely run for the hills.