When I heard Julia Fox was coming out with her autobiography, I initially did not know what to expect. I have been a fan of Fox for a while, but I never really understood who she really was and I think that is partly intentional. Julia Fox is one of those celebrities who you never know what their next move is. Whether she is curating a blood art gallery or starring in a Charli xcx music video, Fox is the type of star who keeps her audience guessing.
My introduction to Fox was her role in “Uncut Gems.” Her performance was breathtaking and this film catalyzed her career as a fashion icon. While I have admired Fox’s acting and fashion, reading her autobiography, “Down The Drain,” has given me a new respect for Fox and everything she has been through.
“Down The Drain” is named after a phrase Fox heard when she was arrested for the first time as a teenager; the judge who ordered her probation told her, “Your whole life down the drain.”
It was honestly very hard to find a copy of “Down The Drain.” Luckily, it recently became available on my Kindle and I decided to read it to see what the hype was about. I was not expecting much since, in my experience, celebrity memoirs can sometimes be a bit dull and intangible. It is often hard to relate to celebrities complaining about red carpets and paparazzi, but one thing about Fox’s voice in “Down The Drain” is that she is very real, blunt and raw. I was pleasantly surprised by the level of introspection and gripping writing style in this book. Here are some of the most memorable aspects of the book:
The volatility of intergenerational trauma
At the beginning of the book, Fox recounts her experience immigrating from Italy to New York. She discusses her acclimation to American culture and how her parents emphasized the idea of the American dream. Throughout the memoir, Fox maintains a volatile and dynamic relationship with her family. Her parents hated each other, her dad was physically abusive and, growing up, her family was overall dysfunctional. This environment permeates the rest of her life.
“I’m forced to face the unsettling reality that the people who are supposed to protect us are sometimes the same people we need protection from,” Fox said.
Fox struggled with assimilating into American culture and retaining her Italian heritage. In her adolescence, when she visited her family in Italy, her cousins gave her a hard time with her new style: thongs, Von Dutch jeans, jet black eye makeup.
Her cousin told her, “You’re such a show-off,” to which Fox replied, “I’m American now.” As Fox seeks to rectify her relationship with her family, chiefly her Dad, she learns to embrace her culture slowly.
Likewise, Fox talks about how her Italian identity was often fetishized or romanticized. When she worked as a dominatrix at a sex dungeon, she had multiple clients who were intrigued by her Italian heritage. Even her sugar daddy and boyfriend, Roahn, was intrigued by this facet of her. In the memoir, Fox dissects how she was often suppressed by the male gaze and felt like she needed male validation to feel good about herself. However, she finds a way to be comfortable with her identity that is not tied to the perverted fascinations of others.
It is normal to struggle with identity, especially when it comes to nationality and ethnicity. Many children of immigrants can feel detached from their culture as they assimilate into American life. Fox is an example of learning to accept both facets of herself: her Italian heritage and American way of life. Her experience shows that we do not necessarily have to choose between these things. Our identities are a lot more nuanced and volatile.
Battling mental illness and substance addiction
Throughout her life, Fox struggled with mental illness and substance abuse. Growing up in a dysfunctional and turbulent environment, Fox turned to drugs to numb the emotional pain. She was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). She was first told she might have BPD when she was fifteen at a mental hospital, but did not seek treatment until her early 20s when her roommate told her to get help. She gives a vulnerable, honest view of what mental illness can do to a person and their life. Fox’s experience acts as a point of comfort and solidarity for women who may have a similar experience or condition.
Mental illness and mental health problems are something that many women struggle with. Unfortunately, this topic is very stigmatized and it can often be hard to discuss, or even fully comprehend, these issues. Celebrities like Fox talking openly about their experience with mental illness, such as BPD, helps destigmatize conversations around mental illness for other women.
Fox is extremely open about her experiences with mental illness and substance abuse. She does not try to sugarcoat things or glamorize these facets of her life. In the memoir, Fox discusses the harsh realities of her addiction, especially how she always promised to stop and then would relapse. After the death of her best friend, Gianna, Fox finally confronted this issue. She started attending Narcotics Anonymous with a sincere intention of being sober and surrounded herself with people who would help her meet this goal.
Likewise, Fox is not shy about her substance abuse disorder and how addiction radically changed her life. Talking about substance abuse disorder can often be difficult, but it is a problem that impacts everyone in some way or another, whether they struggle with it or have a loved one who struggles with it. Fox’s journey of recovery is inspiring, but it does not glamorize her experience in any regard. It is a powerful reminder that you can always turn your life around.
Accepting the love we think we deserve
In her quest for love and acceptance, there are many instances in Fox’s life where she accepts toxic love from others. The chief example is when she starts dating Ace, a drug dealer and ex-convict with a violent history. Ace is intense, immediately stating that he wants to marry her. He tries to control her life, even when he is incarcerated. Fox begins to feel anxious when she hears the phone ring or bikes around the city. Ending this relationship is monumental for her: she learns to advocate for herself.
A pivotal moment of self-advocacy in Fox’s relationships is when she stands up to Sean, another ex-boyfriend. She has a violent altercation with Sean, where he beats her up at the club they both invested in. When Fox calls him out for his behavior, people turn on her, claiming “she’s just doing it for attention.” However, Fox responds by writing about her whole life in a self-published autobiography called “Heartburn/Nausea,” where she talks about the violent altercation and the other types of abuse she endured from Sean. After she sells the autobiography, she finally garners support from her community. People believe her and stop siding with her well-liked, popular abuser. Her first written work, “Heartburn/Nausue,” shows that Fox can finally stand up for herself and break the chain of toxic love and abuse.
These themes of love and abuse are something that all women readers can relate to. This type of victim-blaming is so normalized in our culture. Fox’s experience is unfortunately one of many and her writing about it helps reduce the stigma and educate people about the realities of sexual assault and abuse.
Finding your sense of identity as a woman
“Down The Drain” is about the transition from girlhood to womanhood, specifically how we form identities independent of the male gaze or the media. During her childhood, Fox desperately wanted to fit in with her peers, find love and be accepted by those around her. After the death of her best friend and having her son, Valentino, Fox finally learns to love herself regardless of the perception of others.
She states how the male gaze and her sexuality were big components of her personality and identity. More specifically, she writes, “Being sexy had been my identity for so long, and I was consumed by it. I’m unlearning all the brainwashing and learning to love myself for more than just the way I look.” This is a powerful reminder of how self-love should not be based on the perception of others, especially the objectifying gaze of men.
Fox corroborates this assertion, writing, “[I] don’t want men to like me anymore. I’m over it. I’m reclaiming my body and rejecting the notion that I exist only to be visually pleasing.” This is especially visible through Fox’s new avant-garde style. She no longer dresses to please the men around her but to express herself and test the limits of what clothing can be.
I see this urge to appeal to the male gaze a lot in my personal life and with the women around me. Many girls feel pressure to receive affirmation and approval from men at all times because the patriarchy naturally pits us against each other. Fox’s journey to being uniquely herself and learning to stop people pleasing inspired me and many other readers.
Ultimately, “Down The Drain” was a surprisingly powerful and vulnerable book. It gave me new perspective into Fox’s life and her traumas. I also now have a newfound appreciation for Fox and her impact on the media, fashion and other creative outlets. The book proves her resilience, and she tells her readers that anything is possible; sometimes, you just need to start over and try again.
“Sometimes you have to say fuck it and throw your life down the drain just to see where you’ll come out on the other side. The most profound beauty emerges from the ashes of destruction,” Fox says.
I highly recommend this book to anyone in their 20s right now. This book shows how change is possible and that the ride is not always easy. The future is out of our hands and sometimes you need to toss your whole life “down the drain” to make the change you want to see.