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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SLU chapter.

When I come home from college, the first question I often am asked is, “How is softball going?” While I am happy to answer with the scores of the latest series or technical pieces about softball, since I am grateful that people take an interest in my interests, I have realized that my identity has become tied to this activity that I have loved for years. 

It can be easy to feel like I am only enough when I am succeeding, because it seems we live in a society that seems to value production over everything else. Though I know that my worth does not revolve around performance, or how well I hit a 12-inch yellow ball with a metal stick, I have been thinking about the student-athlete experience, especially since I am in the middle of my season now. 

From the outside, few people seem to understand the commitment required to be a college athlete and student these days: schoolwork on top of classes, weights, practice, club meetings and professional development. Being a student-athlete really is a full-time job, where I am constantly managing how to get from morning weights to class to the training room to practice while finding time to eat, do laundry and get adequate sleep and recovery. I also have to squeeze in the time to work on homework, do self-care, have hobbies and find a social life somewhere, too. This lifestyle pushes my limits physically and mentally and challenges me in new ways. 

There is such a rush in moving my body well and performing my best in something I have dedicated so much time to. However, I have also learned that within such a pressurized atmosphere, it only takes a moment to be brought back down to earth. Some days, I can move with grace and ease, making diving plays and stretching out doubles. Sometimes, I need an ice bath to just be able to function again the next day, or I cannot stretch out my hamstrings without my legs feeling like they are being attacked by a boa constrictor. 

People typically see the “glamorous” lives of student-athletes in airports with new matching backpacks and tennis shoes. They don’t see the discipline required to take an exam on the road at 8 p.m. after a doubleheader. They don’t see the early wakeups for lifts, five protein bars shoved in backpacks or Google calendars filled with tournament schedules every weekend for the next three months. In the same way, they see college girls in matching sets, Stanley cups and MacBooks in tow, without seeing the willpower it takes to get out of bed for an 8 a.m. exam across campus or the preparation that went into that presentation.

Being a student-athlete, which much of the time feels more like being an athlete-student with the amount of time I spend on the field, in the weight room and in the locker room, if anything, has taught me about potential. A team can be potentially great, and a player can have great potential. However, if the team does not finish an inning, game or season strong, or a talented athlete refuses to have a disciplined sleep, training or nutrition schedule, potential is just a waste of time. 

Everything has the potential to be great or terrible, and you control the narrative for which perspective you choose. All you can do is control your own actions, even when you want to succeed so badly that you would do almost anything to reach that moment. But the reality is, some things are just out of your control, so it is better to see today as a good day and practice as a chance to run around outside with friends for a couple hours because it is only a game, after all. At the end of the day, competing is fun, so why not enjoy the ride?

Frankly, I have struggled to pin down what being a student-athlete means to me. Sure, I have learned how to care for my body, manage my time, hold myself to a higher standard, advocate for myself and make time for what is important to me. These are all means to an end, but I do not think they properly encapsulate the joys of road trip karaoke or Pizookies in Rhode Island after winning a conference title or the lows of a 2 a.m. arrival back to campus or a tough loss. My experience as a student-athlete has been nowhere close to what I expected it to be when I arrived at college at 18-years-old, but it has been an authentic and real journey.

Though she was not raised a city girl, Allie is an avid explorer of St. Louis, where she is currently studying English and Spanish at Saint Louis University. On campus, she is on the softball team and is involved in the Honors program, Student-Athlete Advisory Committee, St. Edmund Campion Society, and, of course, Her Campus. She loves travel, music, Christmas-scented candles, gluten-free baked goods, romantic comedies, and yoga. You can almost always find her with a protein latte and book in hand.