If you took an x-ray of my stomach, there would no doubt be five or six tongue rings swimming around in all that acid. I have had just about every piece of cartilage in my body stabbed with a sterile needle.
If you are anything like me, you can probably hear your mom in the back of your head right now saying “You will have a hole in your face forever!” And that is true — you will, so if you are considering getting a piercing, this is the guide for you. Let me be the one to make the bad decisions first.
Septum
You never forget your first. Piercing, that is. I still remember flipping it up to go home so no one would know. I was already waist-deep into goth culture at the ripe age of eighteen. Experimenting with parties, black lipstick and punk rock. All I was missing was a couple of holes in my face. Unfortunately, though it was my first piercing, it was not my favorite. Not for any reason in particular, maybe this piercing was just not suited for me. Tip: your piercers screw the balls on with pliers. So even if you decide you want to take it out, it is stuck in there. Forever. Until it randomly falls out on an unsuspecting Tuesday, or until you muster up the courage to return to the shop and ask them to unscrew it. Overall, a great and discrete starter piercing.
Tongue
I got three piercings done at once to celebrate not only Friday the 13th but the end of my freshman year finals at Saint Louis University. I scheduled the tongue for last, under the impression it would be the most painful. The mohawked woman, who I have come to know quite well, clasped my tongue with pliers, not unlike a fisherman fighting a clam for a pearl. Sweat beading down my face and needle in position, she skewered me! I kid you not, it was the easiest piercing I had ever gotten. There was not even a pinch.
The adjustment process was a different story. Getting braces was one thing, a solid metal ball banging against my teeth every time I said “acthully” was another. I should not have to play the xylophone with my teeth. Switching to a silicon bar solved a few problems, but raised others. Something was so deliciously satisfying about chewing on a silicon bar. Like the introduction mentioned, I have eaten quite a few. Keep that in mind next time you are itching for a new body modification.
Vertical Labret
I am bad at chess because I can never think ahead more than two moves. So, naturally, I got the tongue and the lip done at the same time. Ozempic? No need. I probably lost ten pounds waiting for my lip to heal. Not on my own accord, that is for sure. I attempted to eat a Grand Dining Hall chicken sandwich and with each bite, I was gripping the table for mercy. Brushing my teeth in the morning became a violation of the Geneva Convention. An oversight on my part, since a sensible individual would realize a three-inch curved needle coming through their lip might hurt.
This piercing is not for the faint of heart. The pain is hard and the healing is even harder. Do not even think about wearing lipstick for the next few months. So forget about all of your black lipstick and lip ring dreams. Once it healed, it sure looked cool though. Especially the bars with little spikes on each side. I would definitely recommend it if you have enough nerve.
Eyebrow
I have never felt more loved than when I was at a lesbian house party with an eyebrow ring. I could part with most of my piercings just fine, but I still dream of my eyebrow piercing. Nothing else could match the perfect twinge of edge it brought to my face. The most devilish people I have ever met have had an eyebrow piercing.
The pain was nothing out of the ordinary, 5/10 if I had to rate it. A simple stab-and-go. However, about two weeks after the appointment, I had a black eye! This was nothing major, I could cover it with no issue, but why would I when I could feel so much cooler and outlandishly lie about the cause? Though it was one of my favorites, the holes it left behind are the most visible of all my piercings. That is something to keep in mind if you care about that type of thing.
Nose
The least suspect piercing gave me the most issues. Low reward, high risk. The $13 Friday the 13th sale is not always gospel. Instead of a stud, my piercer fit my nose with an ugly, gaudy, too-big hoop. Since the hoop was jiggled and jostled around in my day-to-day, I formed a keloid: a little growth of scar tissue on the side of my nose. My best friend called me a witch until I eventually got it fried off. So be wary! I am sure if you are smart, do your research and have a reputable piercer this would be a great first piercing to try out.
I hold resentment against nose piercings, keloid aside. I do not miss the groggy mornings, washing my face and my nose ringcatching on the towel. Frustrated and tired, I would carefully maneuver the caught thread off the piercing. In my humble opinion, my nose piercing was not worth it. Many people love it, and it suits them perfectly. I am, however, not one of those people no matter how much I wish I was!
Nipples
Ah, the last man standing. These are the only two left behind from my great piercing purge of junior year of college. I receive no money for saying this, but if you are considering doing it — do it. Just make sure you go to a reputable female piercer and not a strange guy in a one-room shop. Yes, I speak from experience.
This piercing (weird guy aside) was the most painful of all. First, the nipple is clamped, and that alone is enough to make you grip your seat. Then, it is skewered with a two-inch long needle that the jewelry will be strung through. Finally, you feel like you are done… only to have to do it again on the other side. Ouch! No pain, no gain. It is my favorite to this day even if it is impossible to find good nipple rings.
A year and a half later, I have completely been purged of (almost) all the metal. Silver was not my color, and I had outgrown the look. It was a fun time in my life and a great conversation starter. Sadly, the time had come to sadly put down the needle. After all, a nice, cushy tech job is my end goal, not to be the next guest judge on “Ink Master.” In a dramatic, middle-of-the-night fit, it was gone. My tongue felt foreign in my mouth. My eyebrow was missing a piece with nothing left to absentmindedly fiddle with anymore.
I loved them, I really did, but sometimes you just outgrow a certain look. That is the beautiful thing about piercings: you can just take it out and pierce it again if you miss it. No long-term harm will come to you as a result of a piercing, no matter how impulsive the decision may be. So, why not? If you are considering it, do it. You are in college after all, and there is no time like the present.