Dear Anxiety,
I honestly hate you. I hate that you are the only consistent thing in my life. I hate that you control my every move, my every decision.
I try my best to get away from you, but you keep pulling me back in like a tidal wave. I try to resist, but you continue to hold me in your grasp. And so, I tread and I tread, trying to scream for help but no one can hear me.
I hate the way you make me feel as if I am a failure, as if I’ll never accomplish anything no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I don’t want to try anymore, and so I come running back into your arms. I’ll crawl beneath the covers and cry silently at 2AM, and there you’ll be, chanting over and over how I will never be someone important.
Because of you, I am constantly questioning all my relationships. Somehow, you make me feel as if no one wants me around, as if no one actually cares about me. There are days when you have convinced me that I am an inconvenience and that everyone hates me. Sometimes, I believe you. Ā Sometimes, I think I don’t even belong on this earth anymore. Sometimes, I feel like no one would even notice if I was gone.
But today, I am taking a stand. I will continue to fight you for as long as I live. I will continue to wake up each day, even when you tell me to give up before the day even begins. I’m done listening to your voice telling me that no one loves me and that I will never be anyone. Because I know that I am, and always have been, important. I do matter, and I’m done with you convincing me that I’m not.
There are some days when you win the battle, but I am determined to brush my knees off each day and face you. You will not control my life. Today is the day I’m claiming my life back. I hope you’re afraid. You should be.
Sincerely,
Me