In high school, Friday nights were an easy occasion. I had extracurriculars that took up most of my time. I went to swim practice after school, dreaming of falling asleep soundly that night as I dove into over-chlorinated waters. I had dance classes where I coached little girls on how to find passion in movement, yet couldn’t stop yawning in the middle of my sentence. After dinner, there was a pile of homework that never seemed to decrease. Friday nights were mostly the same as any other day of the week.
High school was tiring, but comforting. I felt an ease with my busy schedule. I enjoyed falling asleep exhausted. In a way, the thought of getting a good night’s sleep pushed me to consistently work hard, Friday to Friday. There was the occasional break where my friends and I would plan something: a birthday, a trip to New York (we were a train ride away) or a movie night. Those Fridays gave me the reprieve I needed to make my routine worth it. They broke up the monotonous weeks and gave me the energy to continue with my busy schedule. It also made me appreciate the activities I did. When I had a break, I realized I missed the busyness. It is the reason why I continue taking dance classes in college–I realized I needed a little piece of my high school schedule to comfort me as I moved away.
Friday nights in college are…different. Not bad, but in a way, more exhausting. Freshman year, there was the thrill of having the freedom to do whatever you want. The world seemed wide open. No hour was too late.
Now, as a sophomore, Friday nights seem obligatory. There is little comfort in not knowing what to do, where to go or who to go with. There is still joy in getting ready, dressing up with your friends and wondering where the night takes you. But I can not seem to stop craving the Friday nights I had in high school. There is a careful balance between the exhilaration of being at the club and the annoying hours of planning how to get there and what time to go. It is an unfortunate cycle that most college students fall into: the dread of going out versus the stimulation it gives you.
I am by no means an experienced college student. I am merely a sophomore, not even an upperclassman experiencing the Senior Friday nights. Those will be another level of crazy amidst celebrating the last year of college while being of legal drinking age. And I am excited for those days, but I know at heart, I am just a girl who loves a schedule…and sleep.
Friday nights are not my favorite. Most look forward to them, but I usually dread them. In fact, I love Thursday nights the best. They are filled with relief – the last day of the business week has almost approached. There are places to be, but nothing too serious. It is joyful in its own, quiet way. Thursday nights in college mirror my Friday nights in high school: they are comforting.
Friday nights in college are intoxicating yet intimidating. They are invigorating, but exhausting. They throw my life off balance and make it harder to focus on schoolwork, but are filled with never-again experiences. It is a careful balance to maintain, and one that I haven’t found yet.
I know I am stuck in a circle of feeling a pressure to go out, and not having the guts to get out of it; and I know there are others like me who feel the same way. I keep thinking that I haven’t experienced enough yet. That college is for making new friends and going to new places. Yet, I am happiest staying in. Hopefully in the future, I will be able to take control of my Friday nights again.
It is a careful balance to maintain—and one I haven’t found yet.