As a generation, we encourage each other to live life to its fullest, citing the desire to have no regrets as a way to excuse our actions. However, the result of not holding ourselves and our peers accountable for our behavior has resulted in a generation that lacks self-discipline. I am referring to the fact that “hookup culture” has embedded itself so far within the dating culture of this generation that it is now expected.
Before I go any further, let me be clear that I am not trying to shame any one person or specific group of people. What a person does with their free-will is completely up to them; however, this article is meant to shed light on the negative impacts that hookup culture can have on generations.
Allow me to provide an anecdote. A good friend of mine, let’s call her Meagan, wanted a boyfriend but could not find one for the life of her, so she decided to go out and get a man by “acting like a man” in the name of female empowerment. She went and slept with Tommy after a party one weekend, and the next weekend she decided to sleep with Tommy’s best friend, Billy. After she rolled out of Billy’s bed while he was knocked out in an alcohol induced slumber, Meagan called me and described that she did not feel empowered or validated. In fact, she felt used and unappreciated.
Hookup culture can be broadly defined as a viewpoint that accepts and encourages casual sex. These encounters can be through one-night stands or other sexual related activities that allow individuals to not experience or minimize the emotional intamacy that usually correlates with these actions. This definition makes complete sense as the term “hookup” is completely devoid of the emotion and context that generally makes sex an intimate act.Â
To begin to fully understand how generations have stripped the meaning from sexual encounters, the casual relationship must be understood. A casual relationship is a form of dating where individuals do not label their relationship and are not exclusive, and therefore, are free to date other people while seeing each other. This type of relationship can occur with or without the sexual nature of relationships, but it is clear that the individuals are not fully committing to one another.
Casual relationships are especially common on college campuses. Sandra Webb of James Madison University found that the reasons college students turn towards casual relationships include fear of the inability to experiment, an unwillingness to date one person while in a sea of new faces and the limitation of freedom from being committed to one person.
In reality, most individuals take part in casual relationships at some point in their lives. Even the older generations can attest to these relationships. And let me be clear, that is perfectly okay and normal. However, continuing a casual relationship over a long period of time can begin to emotionally wear on a person. Although some of these reasons for avoiding a committed relationship are valid, the effect that this can have on the self-esteem, mental health and communication skills of individuals taking part in casual relationships is staggering.
Webb addresses the issues of communication within hookup culture, stating that there is a gap in communication skills when comparing younger generations to their older counterparts. Specifically, she notes the communication gap within romantic relationships as technological advances have led to less face-to-face communication.
Most problematically, Webb identifies texting and the use of dating apps as causing some of the less than ideal communication skills of younger generations. As opposed to discussing things in person, the dating scene has become an endless stream of texting and emojis to describe what a person is feeling. The most notable point that Webb makes is the regression of the ability to discuss feelings openly. This lack of willingness to discuss matters properly has led to an endless cycle of miscommunication that ultimately results in the perpetuation of the idea that “whoever cares less wins.”
I firmly believe that every college-aged person can attest to being exposed to or being the instigator of this behavior. Every person of this generation who has been on a dating app knows that the first rule is to be the “less interested” party. Whether this idea was developed to protect individuals from being hurt or if it was developed to allow a person to date multiple people at a time is unclear. However, one thing is clear: these types of communication have rattled the dating scene and made casual relationships the new normal.
Beyond the effect this has on communication skills, hookups can result in a dramatic decrease in self-esteem and mental health. Hookup culture has caused a younger generation to look at themselves as not being worthy of commitment.
A study by the American Psychological Association (APA), found that 27.1% of individuals experienced embarrassment after a hookup. 24.7% of individuals in the study reported emotional difficulty and 20.8% of individuals reported a loss of self-respect. Furthermore, this study found that the regret of hookup culture was not influenced by sex, as 78% of women and 72% of men participating in the study reported experiencing regret after an uncommitted sexual encounter.
The results of this study is clear: regardless of the choices a person makes, no individual’s self worth should be diminished after having sex.
This loss of self-respect and emotional difficulty after a sexual encounter is most likely caused by the realization that there is no individualization within hookup culture. A culture that minimizes the emotional aspect of sex makes the act something generic. In doing so, the active participants suddenly feel that they are replaceable, which takes a toll on their mental health.
In another study by the APA, young adults that participated in hookups were interviewed to determine how their mental health was affected by their actions. More reported experiencing depressive episodes and loneliness than the individuals that did not have uncommitted sex. Furthermore, the study found that men and women that had participated in uncommitted sex at some point had a lower self-esteem than their counterparts who did not. There is a relationship between the presence of uncommitted sex in a person’s life and a lower self-esteem.
The effect of hookup culture on the younger generations has resulted in decreased feelings of self-worth and the inability to be intimate with others. Although the movement of casual dating may have started as something innocent, it has given birth to a new culture that has regressed social skills and created a rift in the communication of young couples. While it is no person’s place to criticize others for their choices, it is important to remember that actions do have consequences, which can result in harming a person more than helping them.Â
Circling back to that anecdote that I shared at the beginning of this article, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a person taking part in hookup culture because that is what they choose to do with their bodily autonomy. However, I think taking a long look in the mirror and realizing why each person is taking part in this culture is important.Â
Are you participating because you genuinely want to? In which case, I am on your side completely. Or are you doing this because you do not feel that you will find a man for a relationship or feel that you are unworthy of a committed relationship?
If it is the latter, I will be the first to tell you that you are worthy and deserving of love and you do not need to take part in hookup culture to garner male attention. In my experience, many women want a picket fence with a husband, two kids and a dog when they are older. For these women, hookup culture is not what they want nor is it what will lead them to what they want in the future.
In light of this, our generation should be more self-aware of our needs and less willing to compromise to the growing sentiment of culture. Instead of going with the flow, maybe there should be some resistance to hookup culture as a whole. If not, this culture may just ruin a generation.