With big little and formals just behind us, we are still suffering from the hangovers – throbbing temples, sensitive stomachs, and blackening bruises. Yet, the worst of all is the knot in your stomach that you get when you open your phone. Eyes tearing from the brightness of the I-phone glaring at you, your heart starts pounding as you see notifications from Facebook and Instagram. You can only hope that they just got posted, as you already know your eyes are closed in half of them, your smile is either lopsided or too big for words, and your makeup no longer exists. In a nutshell, you look ****faced.
You panic, as you stumble around your apartment to get a glass of water. Do you do the unbearable by confronting your inevitable doom and looking at social media or do you instead act like it never happened by yacking, sleeping, or getting mimosas? Dealing with shame and guilt takes all forms, but if you’re unsure of how to cope, here are some popular options.
- Create your own reality in which last night never happened. Ignore all social media and continue to rage face by preferably going to Katy Trail or Penne for mimosas or a bloody mary.
- Immediately de-tag yourself/ harass all friends that have posted pictures of you. Send them blackmail that you’ve been saving for this very moment.
- Rationalize all mistakes by stuffing your face. The severity of the mistake equals the more amount of food you need to lie to yourself that you’re still a good person. If you shacked with anyone, eat a large pizza. If you lost your purse, eat everything in your friend’s fridge (you probably won’t be eating for awhile). If you bought everyone at the bar a round and realize you have zero dollars in your bank account, you probably won’t be eating and you should consider pretending to be homeless.
- Get your friends to tell you their worst drunken times and/or watch re-runs of sixteen and pregnant. Both of these options make you feel considerably better about yourself.
- Sleep for days.
Everyone’s been there and done that. Let’s be honest Facebook is meant to embarrass people. If you don’t have at least one picture grinding by yourself in the corner of Avenu then you aren’t living.