As far as fashion goes, the first thing I realized when I came to Texas was that I needed to invest in a pair of Cowboy boots…and fast. Coming straight from Manhattan where the classic “riding boot” is popular, I was overwhelmed with the abundance of different types. There, Cowboy boots mostly only exist within the realm of BBQ restaurants.
Suddenly, I realized something. Across the United States, boots are not unique. (Sorry girls.) There are Cowboy, Ugg, Riding, Rain, Go-Go, Combat, and subcategories of all those boots: Short, Tall, Flat-Toed, Pointy-Toed, Studded, Healed, Short Healed (affectionately known as “booties”)…the list goes on.
So I was forced to ask myself, if not the boots, then what makes one trendy gal different from another? Feeling defeated, I took off my Frye’s (traditional Cowboy boot) when my hideous socks abruptly interrupted my thoughts. It was the middle of October, and I was wearing Easter socks that my mother had sent me from the dollar section of Target. What the…? Am I an idiot? What if I had walked into someone’s house, and they asked me to take off my shoes? I would have to reveal that not only was I wearing socks that were totally out of season (gasp!), but they were also surreally kitschy. How could a chic and stylish trendsetter like moi commit such a fashion faux pas?
Socks? Sure it was the name of Bill Clinton’s cat. But I am here to tell you the socks hidden in your boot can mean so much more. Using the most avante garde technology available to me (a unique combination of a magic 8 ball and a cootie catcher), I discovered meaning behind every sock.
Check out what your socks say about you:
The Cashmere: A regular cosmopolitan wears cashmere socks. You’re the girl that, when traveling, rarely checks a suitcase, yet is still en vogue. Some may you are insipidly predictable, but you maintain that elegance and consistency are keys to a successful life. (Your male counterpart frequently adorns argyle socks.)
The Athletic: Many girls save their sporty socks for the gym. That leads me to believe one of two things about you:
- You rarely, if ever, go to the gym. But you also have small enough calves to wear tres chic boots. My sources tell me you have an eye for unconventional fashion and are a muse to your friends. OR
- You do your laundry very frequently AND go to the gym. Chances are, you’re that girl that I envy. You’re the one that does your paper a week in advance because there’s a costume party the night before it’s due. You’re on-the-ball, but you still know how to be flirty and cool.
The Mismatch: I have strong affection for the girls with mismatched socks. Your boots, like your personality, say, “I’m in-the-know” about all things. But inside the boot is mismatch and chaos. You are often frantically thinking about a million things at once, you are a creative genius in your own right, but no one would ever guess by your sophisticated façade.
The Doofy: You’re likely to be a joke. (Up to interpretation whether one is laughing with you or at you.) You are spontaneous and at times, audacious. You appreciate Gaga’s clothes, even when there are beanie babies tacked to her suit. In one word, The Doofy has spunk, but thrives only when you have the bite to back up your bark.
The No-Sock: You have no shame. You are reckless but somehow endearing. “God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt” is your mantra. The rest of the world loves you, but please don’t forget to shower.
I have one disclosure: I am not self-pronouncing myself to be a Doofy-wearer all the time. In fact, I think it important to note that any girl can choose her fate that day based on her sock. So the next time you go boot shopping, I also advice you to go sock shopping. When choosing a sock, remember that it is, in a way, an extension of your personality.