This article had been written by the writer last year, just a few weeks after they’d shifted to London and joined SOAS.
“Okay, I’ve graduated. Now what?”
This was the question I found myself and many of my peers asking upon our college graduation last May. I guess the answer seems evident, even obvious. Now, you’re an adult and it’s time for you to provide for yourself, pay your bills, and have a successful, fulfilling career.
But that doesn’t happen for everyone at the same time. Not even close.
In the American education system, college graduation is the first time you and your peers no longer have similar schedules or facilitated interaction. Think about it: since kindergarten, most of us have spent our lives with each school day planned for us. Yes, in high school and college, we increasingly experience more flexibility and individuality in our schedules. But, if you were on a college campus like me, you would know you were bound to walk into anyone and everyone when entering the library, student union, or cafeteria.
Once you graduate, it all just stops. If you are not on the finance, tech, medicine, or law track, your path is no longer quite so easily defined. Yes you go to work or grad school and make friends as the next chapter of your life unfolds, but the financial and social fabric of your everyday life is less of a given.
Life after college graduation is weird and isolating and we don’t talk about it enough. There is so much pressure, both internal and external, to have your life “together.” But what does that mean? And what does a successful career mean? I realise the answer to that varies for everyone.
I graduated last spring with virtually no idea of my career, or even life trajectory. I had originally wanted to continue my education in graduate school, but as the summer approached I realised I was quite burnt out and had yet to be accepted to a program that I was genuinely excited about.
Although I knew I wasn’t alone, it was hard not to be the victim of comparison. Having graduated from a very pre-professional institution, many peers had jobs lined up — and not just any jobs, but very lucrative entry positions in tech, finance, or consulting — while others had been accepted to medical school or law school. I had no source of income or plan. But even worse, I felt like the rest of the world was moving on and I wasn’t ready. A chapter of life that I was socialised to believe was supposed to be “exciting” and “new,” instead felt like a period of nostalgia for what used to be.
After a summer of being asked what my future plans were, a question to which I would have no answer, I ended up applying to one more Master’s program on a whim. I got in, quickly moved to London, and have been at SOAS since. In a turn of events, it actually worked out really well and I feel really lucky. But even after I had a “plan,” I realised I still felt lonely.
I have had a difficult time verbalising this loneliness, because it doesn’t manifest in the typical ways you would expect. I’m not necessarily struggling to have a social life nor am I stuck in my room for large amounts of time. Yes, making friends takes much more effort once you graduate, but even when I’m quite busy and surrounded by people, I notice the lull of loneliness creeping in.
After much reflection, I have realised I’m not lonely in the sense of being physically alone — although in many ways living alone for the first time is definitely part of it — but rather, that my experience is not widely shared; at least not in the same way and by as many peers as it used to be. And because my life trajectory is no longer defined for me, it will never be quite the same.
My experience is not unique. In fact, it’s pretty common. According to a 2016 study on age differences in loneliness, one’s twenties are among the loneliest periods of a person’s life. There is quite literally a WebMD article titled “Post-College Depression: Why You Feel Lonely” which aims to help recent graduates recognise and address signs and symptoms of loneliness and sadness after undergrad. This experience is due to a variety of factors including the pressure people generally feel over them needing to be “thriving” in their twenties. Social media has exacerbated this as well; a Healthline article cites a “swipe-to-dismiss model of relationship building” as a large contributing factor to Millennial and Gen Z loneliness in our 20s.
While these are not necessarily uplifting facts, there is one that is: if you are feeling this way, that is okay. It is normal. While shared experiences are now less common in our twenties, loneliness is something that continues to unify us. And with time, it will pass. Or so I’m told.
You are living your life and there’s no right or wrong way to live it. It’s OKAY not to have a plan. In fact, it’s great because it leaves you open to so many opportunities you would have never dreamed of. And having a plan is obviously great as well! At the end of the day, I’m learning that the secret to post-college life is to do what’s best for you and take your time. At 22, there really is no rush.