Resumes: We all need one. They are our first impression to employers, our opportunity to jumble our hiring desperation into some key words laid out in a professional format. You would think that by now, we would have figured out a better way to break into the workforce than sprinkling highlights and embellishments on a piece of paper. Well, apparently not.
I cannot express how much time I have spent on my own resume, tailoring it for each new position, ensuring it looks pristine, making every single word count. Yet despite the amount of work I have put into mine, even I can’t get past the ridiculous aspects of resumes: Saying the same thing a million times, awkwardly structured sentences for formatting purposes, adorning miniscule accomplishments while ignoring the trials and tribulations of getting there. So for once, I decided to write my resume as it should be:
*Please note that this article is entirely satirical, I’ve actually had wonderful opportunities, so like, don’t fire me (at least I’m funny, right?)*
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- 5 Reasons You Won’t Get Hired Without a LinkedIn: http://www.hercampus.com/school/sonoma-state/5-reasons-you-won-t-get-hired-without-linkedin
- How to help your resume when you have little experience http://www.hercampus.com/school/sonoma-state/how-help-your-resume-when-you-have-little-experience