Rebecca Robinson
Let me tell you a secret: she wishes she was like you, too.
This is something I have to remind myself almost daily. In a society where women are constantly pitted against each other, itâs become almost impossible to not compare yourself to the people around you. It can happen anywhere; when youâre walking down the street, sitting in the library, or scrolling through Instagram. We see something in someone else that reminds us of our own insecurities, and itâs all downhill from there.
But Iâm here to remind you that we arenât all in the same place or doing the same things, and thatâs okay. The talents and skills we each possess often get diminished by our own jealously and longing of what others have, but the more you think about it, the more youâll come to realize this makes no sense. Where did we learn to dismiss ourselves?
I think it began at a young age. Jealousy, the simple act of wanting what someone else has, is programmed directly into our instincts. It starts with toys, dessert, maybe even your arch nemesisâs magic set. Slowly, we long for attention. I canât count the amount of times I wished I was âpopularâ. The first time I remember wishing I was like someone else was in 3rd grade, when I crossed my fingers and wished I could have pretty eyes like my best friend at the time. See, she didnât wear glasses, but I did. I thought the attention she was receiving had to do with the fact that she didnât have metal rims around her eyes. To be entirely honest, I donât think anyone else ever noticed my glasses as much as I did, but I slowly began to hate their weight against my face. This led all the way into high school, where I truly thought that my friends wouldnât want to hang out with me on days where I wore my glasses instead of my contacts. I slowly began to equate my glasses with being worth less.
I think thatâs truly the root of the issue. When we see someone else who embodies something we want, whether itâs in their outward appearance or their successes in life, we automatically consider ourselves less worthy. Sometimes we go as far as to literally dehumanize ourselves, simply because we lack something that someone else has achieved.
In the age of social media, where everyoneâs lives are on display, this is especially dangerous. I donât know about you, but I find myself comparing my life to others all the time! I scroll through Instagram and see someone accomplishing something I havenât quite reached, and I forget that I have made amazing leaps and bounds in my own life, too. The thing about social media is that we only broadcast the things we want. There are some people who are good at this, really good at this, and have made their lives seem fabulous. We see them traveling, losing weight, rocking that bikini on the beach, or working at an awesome internship. Their life seems to be a 9/10, and we see ours at a 4/10. But hereâs what we often forget: weâre broadcasting our life at a 9/10, too, and maybe they see their life at a 4/10. Everything on our favorite social media sites is an illusion created by people who are probably just as insecure as we are (I mean hell, we were all taught by society to be insecure about ourselves).
So whatâs a woman to do in a world where it feels like we just canât win? Deleting your Facebook or Instagram isnât going to solve your problem, because letâs be real, we do this offline too. I think we all know the buzzword âself-esteem,â but truthfully, I think it goes past that. âSelf-compassionâ is the word youâre looking for. So you arenât going to graduate in 4 years? You, and a majority of college students in this generation. Maybe you havenât quite lost the weight youâve been trying to lose? Me too, honey. Maybe you lost the internship, or didnât get the job, or didnât go on a lavish Spring Break. The most important thing you can remember is that you are not behind, you are exactly where you need to be.
Be happy for the people who are succeeding, because kindness is one of the best emotions you can feel. Congratulate your friends, smile at the woman walking by, and give yourself a break. Someone elseâs success is not at the expense of your own.
Dr. Seuss said it best: You are you, that is truer than true, and there is no one alive, who is youer than you.
Thatâs enough.