Do you remember tug-of-war? That burning in your palms as you grip the rope as tightly as you can, stubbornly refusing to let go? Despite knowing perfectly well you were only going to end up in pain? The big choices we make in our lives are kind of like a game of tug-of-war. We know that a specific person, activity, or job are just a fraying piece of rope, but we grip on as tightly as we can, refusing to lose this round. We pull, and pull, and pull, until we just fall down.
By now you’ve come to realize that there are things, whether it be people, activities, or jobs, that take more from you than they give. We’ve all been faced with a difficult decision, myself included, and sometimes I look back and wonder why in the world it took me so long to finally come to the right conclusion.
Here’s the thing about people: they change. I know, shocking. But in all seriousness, we are in constant motion. We move from place to place, chapter to chapter, yet we continue to drag along the same unhealthy, fraying pieces of rope with us as we go. Recently, I’ve been confronted with the idea of my own mortality. We talk about it all the time, “Life is short,” right? But how often do we honestly debate the intricacies of this fact?
We lend our time and our energy, our precious sense of commitment, to the activities and jobs that don’t give us the absolute return we deserve. These are the things we have held onto for what feels like our whole lives. We practiced for hours or worked countless shifts to meet their demands. Yet we are more frustrated than we are in love, and seep negative emotion when we are involved. We barely reach a point of tolerance, where we have to remind ourselves why we love the activity.
This way of thinking applies to the people in our lives, as well. Why do we hold onto people who have hurt us? I get the feeling when you read that sentence, someone popped into your mind. Maybe they’re a friend, a lover, or a bit of both. We forgive and pretend to forget, and only really confront them in the mirror or in a made up scenario we act out on our way to work. They are no good for us, and much like the same activities I mentioned earlier, we have outgrown them.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that we don’t hold onto these activities and people because we think they deserve us. We hold on because we think we deserve them. How is it that we can put all of ourselves into something or someone, and then walk away with nothing? How does that seem fair? We resist change, we tug at that rope, and let it burn us.
So here’s a novel question: What if you let go?
What happens to us when we decide to cast these pieces of rope aside? Chances are, it will be difficult at first. I read something a few years ago that has stuck with me, and I think it really applies to this train of thought. When you lose a tooth, you run your tongue over it, and you are acutely aware of its absence. It hurts at first, and you get the sense that something is missing. But you’re also a little relieved, because you remember the pain it caused you in the process.
I’m not saying you should toss your hands up in defeat when activities or relationships begin to hit a downward slope; there’s nothing wrong with fighting to make something work. But, if what you’re fighting for is no longer bringing you anything but stress and pain, maybe it’s time to let go. Sometimes the pain activities and people brings us is just too heavy to hold, and it gets heavier the longer the try. The only person you have control over is yourself.
Breathe in, breathe out, and let the ropes go. You don’t need to win this round, you can win the next one.