Chicks before dicks, right? We’ve all heard it before. Most of us have even said it ourselves. Our moms have often told us that boyfriends are temporary but best friends are forever. And a lot of the time growing up, that was all pretty much true. But, what are we supposed to do now that we’re in college and boyfriends aren’t always so temporary anymore? And what the $*@# are we supposed to do when our girlfriends don’t seem too keen on our not so temporary boyfriends? Here’s some advice for those of you in the dreaded boyfriend-best friend love and attention triangle.
1. If you don’t have anything nice to say…
Then shut your freaking mouth! No one likes a whiner, and when the only thing your friends hear about is how annoying and/or infuriating the bf is, why would they like him? This is especially relevant to those chicas whose relationships are long distance. Even if you only argue once or twice a semester, if that’s the only time you bring him up, then it’s going to seem like all you do is fight.
None of us want to be that girl boasting about how sweet and adorable her boyfriend is, but it never hurts to boost his rep (and your relationship’s rep!) subtly. Try working an underhanded compliment into your girl talk. For instance, “Nick told me a hilarious story about that same thing the other day!” Or, “Nick took me to that same place one time. It was so much fun!” If you really can’t think of anything positive to say, then keep your mouth closed and, um, seriously consider reevaluating your relationship.
2. No seriously, shut your mouth. Both of you.
No only does arguing in public make everyone around you uncomfortable, but it also inevitably, and often unfairly, makes him look bad. Let’s be honest, you could be acting like the craziest bitch this side of the Mississippi, but if your friends are like most girls, they’re probably going to take your side anyway. And, they’ll most likely convince you that you’re right (“No. You’re totally right to get pissed for him glancing in the general direction of another female. What a JERK!”), which only makes things worse once you’re blowing things out of proportion and unwilling to compromise.
So, duke it out behind closed doors (closed, soundproof, gossip-proof doors), and put on a smile when other people are in the room. It’s not their fight, and so they shouldn’t be given the chance to tell you how to win it. Besides, faking-it-‘til-you’re-making-it gives both of you the chance to calm down before you rip each other’s heads off over who’s going to get up to grab the remote.
3. One more time, girls, give the jabber jaw a rest.
Why not listen instead? We females love to hear ourselves talk, so give each of your girlfriends with something to say a chance to explain herself. Often times, if your guy really is as great as you think, you’ll catch them all red-handed without a good reason for the bad taste they have for him.
For whatever reason, girls find it much more fun to criticize than to compliment, but chances are, your friends probably genuinely think they’re being loyal by disapproving. And sometimes, they might even have the outsider’s perspective that allows you to see that Mr. Perfect actually isn’t living up to his name. So, listen up, and consider what your friends say carefully because they have your best interest at heart… Or, at least they think they do.
4. Okay, now you can talk.
Explain to your friends, first of all, how much you value their opinions and appreciate their concern. They might just want to know that you haven’t forgotten about them. Basically, butter them up a bit before you lay down the law. Tell them plainly to stop interfering with your relationship. Unless you’re constantly in tears or coming home with black eyes, it’s really not their place to dictate how you should live your life, especially at this age. Explain that loyalty and friendship involve supporting your decisions and not making you feel guilty or uncomfortable about the person you’ve chosen to date.
Compromise by offering to try and complain less when he’s not around, or to include him more in your group of friends instead of hanging out in your room with the door closed all the time. But, make it clear that your relationship with him is not up for negotiation and that this will be the last time you defend it. You shouldn’t be forced to defend it in the first place, and you shouldn’t have to worry about being judged by your closest friends just because your relationship isn’t perfect.
Finally, tell them that you’re happy. If they’re really your friends, then that’s all they want for you, and in theory, that should be enough to solve the problem all together. Just make sure you’re being honest with yourself, because if you aren’t, I promise you, it’ll show.