For seniors, the “what the heck am I going to do after graduation?” panic is starting to set in. While this is definitely a stress-inducing thought for anyone, it can be especially challenging for people in relationships who have a whole other person with different needs and wants to consider.
Let’s get one thing straight: communication is key. It’s not healthy to be stewing about this alone; talking to your partner can help alleviate this burden. If you’ve never had a conversation with your partner about what happens after graduation, it’s probably time to bring it up. It can be scary to talk about it, and it might even mean talking about breaking up, but it needs to happen to maintain a healthy relationship. Your partner during your college years may not be your life partner. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean that your relationship isn’t valid.
Before having this conversation with your partner, it might be helpful to reflect on what you want out of the relationship, as well as what you want out of life. It can be easy during a heated conversation to forget the things that you wanted to say, so it can be helpful to have a clear idea of your goals for the conversation. You’re also allowed to write it down and have it with you, if you often find yourself losing your train of thought during discussions.
It might be scary to bring up graduation in your relationship, especially if things are going really well. I like to think of all the potential outcomes of the conversation in my head to help avoid catastrophizing. While thinking about having this conversation may lead to thoughts of an ugly, heart shattering break-up, there are other possible outcomes to consider. Some alternative, realistic outcomes could be deciding on long-distance after graduation or applying to grad schools that are near each other.
Be open and honest! If there’s a program or a job that you feel is your dream and what you want, be open about it. Also talk about if you would be open to long-distance, and plan for the greater future too.
A major red flag to look out for is your partner trying to persuade you into doing something that you don’t want. You should not have to sacrifice your dreams and opportunities to be with your partner. There may be some small sacrifices that you might want to make for your partner, like choosing a school that’s near their job, but you shouldn’t be sacrificing your life goals. A good partner is going to want you to succeed and will support you in achieving your dreams, and won’t ask you to sacrifice everything for them.
Another red flag is that your partner is angry at you for bringing up the future. While bringing it up may rock the boat a little, your partner should not be angry at you for wanting to talk about the future. It may be hard, but it is something you need to talk about.
While breaking up may be reality, remind yourself that it is likely for the best, and it would not have been healthy to continue.
The most important thing to remember is that you and your partner are on the same page, whether that means agreeing to long distance, to breaking up, or to finding a way to stay close together.