As someone who has been single for almost all of her life, I have always felt pressure from my friends and family to get a boyfriend. The incessant questions during family dinners, the match-up offers from my close friends, the aura of judgement from the general population. It all made me feel as if being single was somehow wrong. There were even times when I considered getting a boyfriend solely so people would stop asking me if I had one.
People were always wondering why I chose to be single. The reason, my friends, is very simple. Honestly, I just liked being single. I was happy and busy and thriving. So why ruin a good thing, you know? Having a boyfriend was just not part of my plan for awhile. And that was fine with me.
I loved being an independent and confident woman. I loved spending weekends with my girls. I loved having the chance to focus on me and my goals. The only thing I disliked about being single was feeling like other people thought that I needed someone else to be considered complete.Â
So for those of you who can relate, to those of you suffering through awkward surprise dates, and prying questions from your mother, here are some reasons you can tell those people as to why you’re single and loving life. And for those of you struggling to be independent after a breakup, this is for you too. Because being single isn’t shameful, girl, it’s powerful. I never felt like I was the perpetually single girl, I felt like an independent boss ass bitch.
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For me it’s always been easy to embrace my independence. Here is why:
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First things first: being single is not a shameful thing. You are single. You are one. You are yourself. One thing that always bugged me is when people I first met would ask, do you have a boyfriend? Not, “How are you?”, “What are your hobbies?”, but, “Do you have someone else in your life?”. That question always made me laugh. Your life is not defined or molded by a significant other, you are modeled and shaped by yourself. So be confident in your “no.” No, I don’t have a boyfriend… because I don’t want one. But I am doing this super cool and empowering thing independently that I would love to talk to you about. If you are confident in who you are and pursuing your passions, people will think twice before questioning you.
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You can dress for yourself. If you wanna wear stilettos and a sparkly dress on a Wednesday, do it girl. If you wanna wear baggy sweatpants and a coffee stained sweatshirt, honey I can’t wait to see you rocking it. You ain’t dressing to impress a man, you’re dressing to be confident in yourself.
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There’s pretty much nothing you can’t do by yourself that you can do with someone else. Wanna go on a cute dessert date? Invite your best friend. Or, just go yourself. I’ve never understood the shame in going out and doing things on your own. You’re interesting enough to hang out with yourself. Take yourself on dates, get to know yourself. Set goals, work hard, make plans, go shopping, live in the moment. It’s all in your hands!
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Don’t waste time pining after everyone in the world. For some people, especially those who may have just come out of a relationship, being single is really hard. They’d date anyone just to say that they are taken. This mentality isn’t good for anyone. Wait for your time, there is no set timeline for love. Embrace the time you have for yourself. Go out and accomplish things!
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Embrace your feelings, your fears, your loves, your everything. Go pursue a passion project, go flirt shamelessly with the guy who works at the Greek restaurant, go support your fellow women and tell them how beautiful they are. Go do all the things!
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You can be fully in touch with yourself. One of the best parts about being on your own is having the freedom to do anything. Reevaluating your goals, pursuing your passions, doing things because you want to do them, it’s all part of what makes being single so great.
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The best kind of independence is just knowing who you are and being happy with yourself.
Being independent is the best, your time is yours. No commitments, no putting things on hold for somebody else. Your opinion is the only one that matters. It’s all you, love.