Dating is one of those topics where people tend to agree it doesn’t get easier as time goes on. While yes, you may gain experience and be able to avoid some of your middle school mistakes, the act of letting someone become your new partner and making it last is understandably difficult. Sometimes you two just don’t mix well, sometimes it’s the wrong time.
To ease the lengthy process, there are some ways in which one can more successfully navigate the world of dating at any age, in order to really find your perfect match (if that is what you desire when dating).
- Be yourself
Very cliché, but very true. The more you hide about yourself early on, the more you feel you need to apologize for when your true quirks inevitably show. This goes along with being too agreeable. Be honest about your interests, and if you have opposing opinions with your date, that may be a big reason you two wouldn’t work together.
- Communicate the smaller feelings too
It’s very common for people to choose to carry the weight of even a small hurtful comment rather than confronting and talking about it. You may think, “It’s not a big deal. They didn’t mean it. I’m being sensitive.” Your feelings aren’t small and shouldn’t go unaddressed. You can go into the conversation with an approach to grace, “I don’t think you meant to say this, but this is what you said and this is what I felt.” And if you are the one confronted, being open to their side and apologizing, without making their feelings feel invalidated.
- Talk about the important stuff
If you’re searching for a lifelong partner, to save time, you should get information about them that will let you know early if you are compatible with what you want in life. Not talking about baby names or anything, but general questions about your values, faith, hopes and dreams, love languages. If they seem like you are moving too fast, you are doing the work to not waste time in eventual heartbreak. They should be as willing as you are.
- Be open to putting in work
If there is anything I’ve learned from dating, it is that even if you two are perfect for each other, you are still human. You are still going to annoy each other, disagree, hurt each other, and just not be happy together all of the time. The thing to realize is that love is a verb. You have to choose to continue and work and grow with that person if you want to be with them. And if you don’t want to put in the work, you may not want that person enough. It’s the hard truth.
- Don’t be fooled by love-bombing
The beginning of relationships is such a happy time, where you want to know this wonderful person and hangout with them everyday and give them gifts all the time. While those are perfectly fine feelings to have, it’s important to keep love-bombing in mind. When someone showers us during the honeymoon phase of relationships and then gradually halts with any gestures or care as time goes on, it can feel devastating. As relationships grow, your affections for one another should too. It shouldn’t be a short-lived high, followed by gradual detestation. If you’re in it for the long run, allow the love to grow.
I am not an expert in love or relationships by any means, but I have observed and experienced these work (and fall short) in many different ways. Bottom line, relationships are about you and your partner, whatever makes you happy works. It may come in different shapes and sizes than these tips listed here, and that’s okay.