Nine months ago, I left the small town that had held my life for over 18 years and moved over 1,000 miles away to start college in a brand new city. I anticipated the change in weather from dry, sunny, southwest Colorado to green, rainy, Seattle. I anticipated the change in political climate between a rural community and West Coast city. I anticipated the change in scenery, landmarks, diversity, culture, and opportunities. But I never could have predicted the ways that I would change and the people who would become inextricably intertwined with my future.
After high school, I wanted a fresh start. I had been in the same town, with the same people, for my entire life. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my hometown, Pagosa Springs . I loved the mountainous backdrop, my job at the local coffee shop, my family and the seven incredible women who had become my family throughout highschool (shout out to the Vines Before Cocaine Lines gc). My world was lovely, and beautiful, and mine, but it was small. I knew Pagosa Springs, and even Colorado wasn’t the endgame for me. I wanted to experience new places, meet new people, and find out who I was when I was removed from everything I had ever known. I wasn’t running away from anything, I was running toward something new. So when I started planning for college, I only applied to one in-state school, and the rest were spread out all over the country. Boston College in Massachusetts, University of Mary Washington in Virginia, Macalester College in Minnesota, and Stanford University in California just to name a few. In the end, I ended up at Seattle Pacific University (they provided the most financial aid, and I loved the city).
My friends all left town before I did, each moving toward their own future. Some staying in Colorado, some not. In their absence, I realized just how much it was the people who had been tethering me to this place and making it hard to let go of. Without them, Pagosa felt dull and more than ever like someplace I had outgrown. It still wasn’t easy to leave, to say goodbye to my family and come to terms with the fact that I had reached a turning point. I was starting a new chapter of my life, one that wasn’t already planned for me, and I was doing it almost completely alone.
The first couple of weeks were not easy. Meeting new people has a way of bringing every insecurity to the forefront of your mind. I wasn’t sure what I should say, how I should act, or who I should be. I had never been around this many young people before. Even as a small institution, SPU’s undergrad population of just under 3,000 was almost twice the population of my entire hometown. I was out of my element. I met so so many people in the first couple of weeks, but by the end of the first month, the majority of those initial connections faded out and I was left with a solid two friends. Two incredible, life changing friends (although I didn’t quite know it then).
In high school I was one in a friend group of eight. I loved each of them deeply and passionately. There’s an unexplainable energy when there are eight larger than life personalities all intertwined in a single room. I still miss them so much it hurts sometimes. In college, I was assuming I would end up in a similar situation. What I got was something drastically different, but just as beautiful. Emily and Schuyler, my two friends, are two of the greatest loves of my life. As the school year has persisted they have become the people who know me most intimately and completely. I didn’t know three people could become so close in just nine months. They were there for my sexual identity crisis first quarter. They were there during my finals week from hell during the winter quarter. They cried with me, got angry with me, and protested with me after the SPU board of trustees decided to uphold it’s homophobic hiring policies just about a week ago.
They are now woven into my future forever. My life can no longer be without them in it. They have changed me and everything I ever thought that I wanted. When I look back on my first year of college, it is Emily and Schuyler that will stand out the boldest (I’ve already started planning their graduation presents). I have added to my beautiful collection of amazing people as the year has progressed. There’s Oliver, Silas, and Giao and our family dinners in the dining hall. There’s Emma and Hannah who make me laugh until I can’t breathe. There’s my wonderful suitemate Julianne. Each one has touched my heart and filled my first year of college with warm memories and bright love.
But of course there is more to my first year of college than my social life. I started out the year as a PPE major (politics, philosophy, and economics), but by midway through the second quarter, I dropped that major and switched over to a double major in Journalism and Social Justice and Cultural Studies. I’ve loved my professors and the classes I’ve gotten to take. I feel like I’m learning what I came to college to learn. I’m surrounded by discussions of race, class, gender, and the intersections in-between. I’m filling in the gaps in my knowledge of American history. The information I am obtaining feels relevant, important, and engaging. I’ve even recommended some of the books required for my classes to my parents.
I’m excited for what the next few years have in store for me academically, especially the study abroad trip to Morocco I have planned for next winter break. I feel, maybe for the first time, like this is where I am supposed to be at this moment in my life, and that I am creating a future for myself that can be fulfilling.
Seattle as a city has also influenced me tremendously. I feel at home in this rainy city. I feel like this might be a place I can stay. I love the hills, the water, and the rain. I love the restaurants, the thrift stores, and all the bubble tea shops. I love the Space Needle on the city skyline, and I love the pride flags that line Capitol Hill. Seattle feels like it was made for someone like me, and I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of it.
However, the recent board decision did cause me to falter in my confidence in my choice of college. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to continue to attend a school with discriminatory policies. But as I saw the student body, faculty, and administration rally in protest I realized that there is a community here that cannot be broken by the poor decision making of merely a few individuals. There is a fight here that I am not ready to leave. I believe this school that has given me the people I love and a future I want can be redeemed.
This year has ended on a painful note, yes, but that cannot taint the wonderful memories that I have been given. It’s hard to tell exactly how much I have changed, and I have a feeling I won’t know for sure until I am back home this summer and realize that I don’t fit the same way I used to. This last year has been one that has upended everything I thought I knew and given me so much more. One year down, and only three to go. I don’t know what to expect for the next three years in this section of my life, but I feel excited and ready to meet them.