“I decided instead of running away from the idea of a life alone, I better sit down and take that fear to lunch.” – Carrie Bradshaw
Through navigating your twenties, the longing desire to occupy every hour of your day in company may sound familiar. If you encounter a flooding feeling of discomfort in being alone with your thoughts, perhaps you ought to conform to Miss Bradshaw’s soft philosophy. Through the art of spending time alone, we learn to let go of this unhealthy dependance on company and unlock the unexpected joy that comes from solitude.
Many of my girlfriends respond in complete fear at the things I love to do alone: from solo living in the charming city of Florence, to simply watching the latest rom com at Selfridges cinema with a Starbucks Green Tea in hand (the PERFECT solo date in my eyes). By facing the daunting echo of your own voice uttering the words “table for one”, you may open the door to becoming an enviously unique, interesting, and confident individual. In becoming comfortable being alone, your self-identity will consequently flourish.
In the recent absence of romantic love in my life, I have been intentionally trying to pour this love into enjoying and learning who I am. Our perception of life is largely curated in our original experiences. When we are in company, we may fail to observe the true depth in our surroundings. It can be easy to overlook the world around us whilst we are absorbed in the shared experience of conversation. Taking yourself on solo dates allows you to carefully take in life around you, as we are more likely to notice the smaller details. The way strangers warmly smile back at you, the elderly couple holding hands crossing the street, or the delightful aroma filling the air outside the local pâtisserie at 6am.
Spending time alone is a form of art, whether that be exchanging a smile with a stranger on their early morning beach walk, or noticing someone reading their favourite book on a park bench. These solo experiences (both from the perspective of the solo observer and the one being observed alone) can teach us valuable lessons. These people learn to laugh at their mistakes in situations that would have once watered the plant of embarrassment, an indicator of strengthened confidence. In this solitude, the desire to ‘fit in’ naturally diminishes, whilst you grow in learning to truly love who you are and the world around you.
I’m not suggesting that you spend every vacation for the rest of your life alone, that would be missing the purpose of being a table for one girl in your twenties. As Mel Robbins gently reminds us, “you’re never spending time by yourself, you’re spending time with yourself” in her podcast titled ‘This One Study Will Change How You Think About Your Entire Life’ .
Taking a day trip from Florence to Milan last year allowed me to recognise the beauty of company, after spending a significant amount of time in its absence. As I enjoyed the sweet taste of tiramisu, gazing onto the miraculous Milano Duomo, I realised something rather special. In my view of the piazza, there were couples holding hands, laughing, and sharing beautiful memories together, which they would later reminisce on. I came to the conclusion that to be fully present in the moment with loved ones and appreciate the value and beauty of company, you must first be comfortable (and happy) without it. Perhaps there is truth in the idea that before you can love someone else, you must love yourself first.
Time alone is key in your twenties. It allows you to work out what you want and who you want to be, without the distracting noise coming from others. You get to know the kind of relationships you wish to build and appreciate the moments spent together. As a single twenty-two-year-old girl, I know that sharing these experiences with myself not only allows me to enjoy my own company but inevitably transforms me into a unique person I love.
Would you want to spend time with yourself if you met you? Try it out. Take yourself for lunch.