The concept of “networking” can be very intimidating, especially in a career context. I’m the type of person who loves meeting and bonding with new people, but if it’s with a future employer or for an important work connection I often overthink the way I interact. The new kind of post-pandemic socialising that we’re all adjusting to adds a layer of difficulty to the already-challenging task of successfully forming new relationships, while also maintaining pre-established ones. I have found that approaching career connections in the same way that I approach new friends makes the process far less daunting and more manageable. Based on research, advice from others, and my own experience, I’ve boiled down my networking process into five stages that have worked well for me, in hopes that they’ll be helpful for you too.
Before discussing networking specifically, I want to introduce the concept of Dunbar’s number to provide some perspective on social relationships in general. Robin Dunbar was a British anthropologist who proposed a theory in the 1900s that humans can only truly maintain 150 stable social relationships. Based on studies of primates, he claimed that there is a ratio between brain size and group size, and that this ratio limits how complex a social system can be. According to his theory, we have various circles of connections, the closest being a very small circle of just five people, “loved ones,” spanning to circles of 1500, “people you recognise.” “Meaningful contacts” falls somewhere in the middle, around the golden number of 150. This may seem like a somewhat random size, but if you consider examples of average primate clan sizes, or more modern groups such as offices, residential communities, military organisations, or even Christmas card lists, the numbers tend to fall around 150.
“Networking” just means bringing new people into these circles, and keeping them there if you have identified them as worthwhile connections. Although Dunbar’s number is a debatable concept and, like all scientific theories, there are many potential criticisms, it is an interesting theory to analyse when examining what constitutes a “successful” connection. So without further ado, here are my tips for strengthening your networking process.
Stage 1- The approach
Often the most difficult aspect of meeting someone new, particularly for those who aren’t very extroverted, is approaching the person and initiating a conversation. Whether it’s a potential employer, a new friend, or a cute guy across the bar, it’s always a bit daunting to break the ice. Complimenting their outfit or asking them a question (maybe they work for a company you’re interested in, or maybe you have a mutual friend or recognise them from a class) are easy ways to jump into an initial conversation.
Stage 2- The conversation
This brings me to stage two, which is arguably the most important. Making a good first impression and holding a meaningful and engaging conversation doesn’t need to be difficult. Firstly, ask questions. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. When the other person tells you something about them, ask more about it and keep turning the conversation back to them, while occasionally adding relevant details about your own interests and experiences so that they don’t feel as if you’re interviewing them. People are flattered by the thought of someone else showing interest in their own life, so following up with questions is a great way to ensure the conversation doesn’t slow to a halt. Another tactic I’ve found useful is to share something about yourself that you wouldn’t necessarily tell anyone. Whether it’s a personal anecdote or embarrassing story, confessing something slightly vulnerable makes the other person feel as if you really do want to talk to them, because you wouldn’t go around sharing this information willy-nilly. Finally, use this conversation to make other connections. They say that the most successful networkers come away with at least three other potential contacts after connecting with one person. Although this can sometimes be unrealistic, it’s always a good idea to ask the other person if they know someone else with whom you might benefit from talking, especially in a career context.
Stage 3- The future plan
Once you have had a one-on-one conversation and it’s clear to both parties that this is a valuable connection worth pursuing, the next step is to make a plan to see each other again to continue the dialogue. Whether that’s suggesting to get coffee to further discuss the project you asked about, meeting for lunch at the restaurant you recommended, or arranging a phone call to continue your discussion, it’s important to make a plan for the future immediately, rather than days or weeks after first meeting, when both people have moved on and lost momentum.
Stage 4- The online connection
In order to carry out Stage 3, you should ensure that you can contact the other person. Note down their phone number, email, LinkedIn, or social media handle (and of course their full name), so that you can easily get in touch with them once you part ways. This also shows that you are enthusiastic and proactive about meeting again, rather than just throwing out an empty offer that you both know will never happen.
Stage 5- The follow-up
When you see or speak to the other person again, it can be helpful to repeat something from your initial conversation, such as an inside joke or common ground you discovered. This subconsciously reminds them why they want to take the time to get to know you and why you are a valuable connection for them. According to Dunbar, frequency is crucial when establishing a new relationship or maintaining an old one. Thus, following-up to make plans or checking in to ask about an important event in their life goes a long way for establishing this person’s position in your social circle.
As intimidating as it can be, it’s important not to get too caught up in overthinking or over-stressing about networking with new people. Humans are natural conversationalists and we seek out all different kinds of connections and relationships, both new and old. At the same time, it is unrealistic to assume that you will walk away from every social situation having made a strong connection with every person you encounter. I am absolutely no expert networker, but my hope is that these tips help boost your confidence when approaching, conversing, and connecting with new people.