The striking colourful bars fill my screen. Finally. A full Google Calendar. So many, many things to look forward to! Maybe too many? I’ll choose to look forward to yoga and just drag myself through the rest– endless hours of boring class, my necessary 2 hour gym session, scheduled boyfriend time (after the scheduled flatmate time of course), golf lessons, board meetings. The list goes on. While being productive is sometimes necessary, especially is uni when deadlines are constantly pulling you every which way, when does productivity become toxic? After months of sporadically cutting time short with my boyfriend to make sure my schedule flowed exactly how I had planned and constantly being asked if maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself, I took a step back. Was I putting too much pressure on myself? It seemed that my productivity, a value I had always made sure to maintain in my day to day life, was whittling me down to a point that, in an effort to be the most productive, I actually was far from it.
Toxic productivity can come as a new idea to many. We’ve been taught growing up that productivity is what we should strive for. That if we haven’t done anything but doom-scroll all day while the to-do list remains full, we’ve just wasted a whole day. I mean, we should feel guilty for that right?
Productivity becomes toxic when you start to disregard self-care and your own personal needs, replacing activities you enjoy as a means of prioritizing work above all else. In Goop’s words, toxic productivity is created from the summation of toxic habits, such as turning down social events to do work, forgetting to eat meals during the day, feeling guilty about not getting enough done or feeling overwhelmed with events or activities for weeks (or months at a time). As I type this list, I recognize a lot of these habits within my own actions. I mean, feeling productive and on top of it while at uni feels so rewarding right? Maybe at first, but eventually striving for productivity can leave us feeling disappointed with ourselves, and as the list flashes in bold and glittery words, guilty for not doing enough. It’s exhausting to constantly feel that way – I can attest. When we constantly belittle ourselves for trying to do the most and falling short (which inevitably happens when every slot of your calendar is filled), we can experience burnout. While yes, burnout is more normalized these days as social media and Tik Toks glorify the 5 am workout classes before working for 8 hours a day and maintaining a clean, whole-foods diet as well as traveling and spending time with friends, constantly being on the move and planning our next step will only lead to a crash. Productivity plateaus quickly when we forget that life should be a good balance of it all – time with friends, homework and studying here and there, time with a significant other, self-care time, etc! The downtime you take to scroll may be exactly what you need to keep a level head, and you absolutely shouldn’t feel guilty about not filling that gap with something more societally “productive”.
Recognizing that these feelings may be what’s causing your unavoidable anxiety is the first, tried and true step. The only way to change behavior and pull yourself away from the constant stress of not doing enough is to recognize that the amount you’re doing right now is ok; that not every day needs to be packed full and maybe some days need to be completely left free for bed-rotting, everything showers, bookstore wanderings. Whatever you do for you. Productive can be a balance of sitting in the library for two hours and leaving for a three hour coffee break. Sometimes that’s what’s needed to continue on. Recognizing when productivity has overwhelmed your life and turned into a toxic, harmful relationship (think of it as an ex you need to get rid of), you need to do exactly that. Get rid of it!
Remember that this life is yours to live and enjoy! Productivity can only be productive when you are the one in control. Take a step back and look at everything around you. Learning to approach work and our lives with balance can truly be a lifesaver, especially at uni.