When I graduated high school, I was certain that I’d become a journalist. I liked writing and magazines fascinated me. Seeing my byline in print was a dream of mine. As I became more aware of the world and through my courses at St. John’s, I realized journalism is far more complex. General readers typically do not care about your opinions as a journalist, and most outlets report the same news to skew perceptions.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that I just loved being unapologetically myself. No one can see the fear in my eyes as they read thoughts I’m too afraid to say out loud. No one truly cares enough to criticize my persona because everyone is too worried about themselves. I found comfort in editorial writing because of the disconnect. I don’t want you to ask me how I’m doing, I want you to read what I’m thinking. I’m chronically introverted and overly anxious about meeting new people, yet I have always been sure of the person I am. While I grew up wondering why I wasn’t anyone’s first choice, I now recall that I have never tried to be someone I’m not. I like myself, and that’s enough. If I don’t, I’ll always have my Mom and Dad.
In August 2020, I moved from Los Angeles to Queens to embark on my freshman year of college. Starting college in the midst of a global pandemic altered my experience in a way I wasn’t fully aware of at the time. There was a lack of community on campus, and with a need to maintain social distance, making friends was nearly impossible. It was not until I joined Her Campus that I jumped out of my comfort zone.
I joined the St. John’s Chapter in September 2020. I needed an outlet. That semester, I had pieces published almost every week where I wrote about important issues. I had a place where I could freely express my opinions on politics, media and even my own personal struggles. It kept me busy, making me proud of myself and my stories. With my career choice aimed at journalism, I applied to be the Her Campus at St. John’s Senior Writer and held that position for the 2021-2022 academic year. Our organization’s meetings were virtual, yet interacting with this newfound community was enough. The following academic year, I received an offer to be the President of the St. John’s Chapter. It was intimidating, and I almost turned down the position out of self-doubt.
That following semester in the fall of 2022, campus restrictions lessened and it was more open. Then, our organization held its first in-person meeting where I met over thirty new people that day.
I have learned so much about myself while being a student leader. The most valuable lesson one can learn is to step out of their comfort zone. Feeling afraid is empowering because the action is never as bad as you imagine. Being the friendly face to underclassmen forced me to shake off my shyness. As college students, we have numerous resources to find communities, use our voices and be creative. After graduation, alumni enter the real world and must prioritize their incomes and livelihoods. We rarely get the chance to be as innovative and fearless as we are in college. I’m grateful for every minute spent learning at St. John’s, especially from Her Campus.
For my 19th birthday, I published a letter to myself. In the piece I said, “Self-love takes vulnerability and time.” Three years later and two weeks until college graduation, I can’t help but bask in my own self-love. The independence and leadership skills I’ve gained have nurtured my own peace. It takes honesty, conversation and time for you to understand the power and influence behind our voices, big or small. I just wish I had more time to be as lucky as I am right now.