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Lately I have been pondering on how I use the word “happy.” It means different things to different people. In general, I like to view myself as a happy person, and I think that most other people do as well. For some, it’s the general vibe they give off every day as they walk around with smiles on their faces and radiate positivity to those around them. For others, it may be a more loaded term, as it is more like a goal they can achieve – namely, the pursuit of happiness. I know that it is common for collegiate girls to be anxious when thinking of their future, specifically whether or not they will be “happy” in the years of early adulthood that ensue after graduation.
As every girl always does – no matter how old they get – I confessed my stresses about this situation to my mom. Afterwards, I considered what she told me about “taking life one day at a time,” and that it is okay and normal to be worried about being successful and happy in this short life that we have. Something else that she said that stuck with me was that I need to be grateful for the happy times that I am experiencing now, because one day I will look back when I am a career-driven woman with kids and I will wonder why I rushed through it all. I think that everyone could use this reminder and could apply a heightened sense of self-awareness to their own lives, for we are living in a society where we rush around trying to keep up with what is next and what is better than what we have now. Rabbi Hyman Schachtel said it best: “happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.” This statement may not be perfect, but it is helpful, because it keeps us focused on what is real and not on what we imagine ought to be real, whether that be now or in the future.
In order to be more present and to note the little bits of happiness that are hidden in everyday life, I decided to start writing in a gratitude journal each morning after getting out of bed. As a result, I have an entirely different approach to the day that lies ahead of me; I am in a noticeably better state of mind, even when things seem to go awry or get a little crazy here and there in the jungle that we call college. I actually feel more self-aware now than ever, and I feel like I have a much better handle on my anxiety than I did a few weeks ago. Although I often do feel happy, it is important to note that it is not constant – everyone has their bad days and bad weeks. One of the greatest benefits of keeping a gratitude journal is that it reminds you of all the little blessings in your life, and how happiness can exist in much smaller ways than we often think.
For example, I write about how I feel happy when I get text messages and phone calls from friends and family while I am at school, or when I look back and reflect on pictures from my high school years. I feel happy when I find a good new song on Spotify, or when I go for a long walk outside on Sundays. I feel happy when I get into the shower, or when I treat myself to a vanilla iced coffee after a good workout. I feel happy when I did better on a test than I expected to, or when I have an engaging conversation with my professor after class. I feel happy when I read a few pages of a book I chose for pleasure, or when I spend a little more time getting ready in the morning just for myself. I am happy that I have supportive parents who sent me to such a great university, and I am happy that I have four years here to find myself. I could continue on with this list, but the point is that I’m learning happiness is not something that you can pursue – it is the feeling of contentment that you have in any given moment. You get to choose happiness out of the circumstances that life presents to you.
Not everything I listed was profound or poetic– some things were very simple; some days, I wrote twenty things down, while on other days it was just one or two. It is not only important to take time to be grateful for the bigger things that happen, but to also acknowledge the little things that often get overlooked. Even a warm day or an extra few hours of sleep should not be taken for granted, because these small things are blessings that are just as important as the big things you are grateful for.
I have learned a lot about gratitude from keeping this small journal, and it has impacted my life in more ways than I ever expected a journal could. It has reminded me that we need to be grateful more often than just when we sit around a stuffed turkey on a fall day each year.
So, think about how you can slow down a little today. Keep your eyes open and look around you, look into the eyes of the people you pass, look at everything you walk by during your busy schedule. Take some time to notice and appreciate the world around you, and take a few extra minutes to write it all down at the beginning or the end of each day/week. You’ll be surprised at how gratitude can change your whole perspective on life and give you more reasons to be happy even when it seems that you shouldn’t be.