Your Ultimate Guide to Brazilian Waxing

Vajayjay.  Vag.  Hooha.  Coochie.  Cooter.  Lady Bits.  Without even a unanimous term to describe our, well, whatchamacallit, how can we expect to reach a conclusive decision about how to groom it? 
 

I vividly remember being in the 6^th grade hearing a friend talk about how she had shaved her pubic region.  I could barely put two and two together.  You did what?  Why?  It was too much for my little 12-year-old ears to hear.  I had not even had my first kiss yet and people were talking about down there hair.  Fast forward four years later and I could not understand why you wouldn’t groom down there – who doesn’t like feeling clean and soft – especially after hearing my friend who did not referred to as a “dirty hippie,” by a boy who she hooked up with.  Talk about rude – and embarrassing.
 
Now I’m not going to try to get into the politics of grooming: whether boys who delight in the bare look occupy some perverse attraction to prepubescent girls or why women must subject themselves to expensive, painful treatments when guys assume no such obligations.  Call it whatever you want (brazilianaholic?), but every four weeks on the dot I’m back at Stript for my monthly dose.  The process goes a little something like this:
 
Sign a waiver of liability.  Wonder what I just signed.  Read a magazine while waiting.  Be escorted back to the room.  Spray numbing spray on my nether region.  Wonder if that’s healthy.  Chat with Erica about Britney Spears’ new album as she talks me through the $60, 20-minute process.  Think to myself “That wasn’t that bad.”  Question my sanity.  Book my maintenance appointment.
 
For those first timers, here are a few tips: let the hair grow about ¼ inch, take a pain reliever about thirty minutes prior to the scheduled appointment, use the numbing spray provided and don’t be embarrassed about the procedure.  Your aesthetician should be a trained professional who has done hundreds of waxes.   I’d also recommend you find a place that uses hard wax, which adheres to the hair follicles rather than the skin, resulting in a less painful experience.  Yes, I said pain.  Ignore whoever told you a Brazilian wax is painless – it’s not.  However, the pain does gradually decrease after subsequent sessions in addition to growing back thinner and sparser.
 
Hey, at least it’s better than laser hair removal, which apparently feels like “you’re being pricked by needles,” according to a friend.  I guess beauty really is pain.