Hi everyone! I’m starting this semester off with a sad article (sorry). This is more of a story that I needed to get off my chest, and isn’t something I’d usually post on here, but I found myself writing and writing, and if it helps someone else or makes them feel less alone as they go through something similar, then it’s worth the vulnerability.
Over the course of the first semester, I felt the relationship with my best friend of six years slowly slipping away. I can confidently say that now our friendship is completely torched, and while it may hurt a little, I know it is for the best.
Let me start by going back to the very beginning: summer of 2016. That was the year we first met. We were both working our first job and were as shy as two people could possibly be. We related to each other and because of that we became fast friends.
Over the years, we grew closer and closer. We hung out all the time in and outside of work, had countless sleepovers, and went on so many great adventures. We were the dynamic duo, and people always commented on how strong our friendship was.
But we were also there for each other during the hard times too. When my parents were going through a divorce, it was her that I would run to when I couldn’t be trapped in my house a second longer. When her college shut down suddenly on a random weekday because COVID hit, I was the one who drove into Boston without hesitation to help her move out of her dorm and back home.
But as the years went on, I found myself growing in another direction than she was. I started to realize that though we started out so similar, we were suddenly vastly different, too different. I soon found it hard to spend time with her, and quickly got irritated or upset at a lot of things that she said or the way she acted. Her expectations that I should do everything for her started to way heavily on me. I tried to hide it because I was scared to lose the friendship that had given me so much over the years, but eventually I snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore.
It was this that ultimately caused the demise of our relationship. She couldn’t handle the fact that I was beginning to stick up for myself, that I was finally putting myself before her. That saddened me because I thought our friendship meant more to her than that, and realizing that wasn’t the case was a hard pill for me to swallow.
So, the texts to each other slowly trickled to a stop. A snapchat was eventually left on opened, our almost 1,000-day streak was gone, and the random incoming FaceTime calls ceased for good.
The first few weeks without any contact were hard. I found myself going to text her about something that happened during the day, or I would remember an inside joke and laugh, reaching for my phone before I realized that we no longer had inside jokes.
Her birthday came and went. I thought about reaching out, but I was worried that she wouldn’t want to hear from me.
And then the rumors started. My other close friends from work told me that she was telling all our coworkers that we weren’t friends anymore because I was selfish and only cared about myself. I think that’s what hurt most of all. I thought that even if we couldn’t be friends anymore, that she would still respect me and the friendship that we had. It hurt because I never would have aired out our story for other people the way that she did, and I definitely wouldn’t have lied to make her look bad. She could have just said it was mutual, that we didn’t relate to each other the way we used to, but she didn’t.
I told my friends what she was saying about me was fine, that I didn’t care because I knew it wasn’t the truth, and that’s all that mattered. I don’t plan on going around telling everyone that she is lying, that’s not my style. But if people ask me what my side of the story is, I won’t hesitate to tell them the truth.
Even after months and months, she still brings me up to our mutual friends, and always in a negative light. And honestly? I kind of enjoy hearing about it. It shows who the bigger person is.
When my friends and I reminisce on old times, I only talk about the good memories, and oftentimes she’s in them. I embrace those moments of happiness that we had together. It’s disappointing to know that she is unable to do the same.
I guess what I want people to take away from this is that it’s normal to outgrow people. It’s part of life. And sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it’s hard. But you can’t change it, and sticking around because you’re scared of losing them isn’t fair to yourself. I just hope that if you must take those final steps in leaving someone, that the other person handles it better than she did, and that you choose to embrace the times you shared together rather than regret them.
“Soul ties but ours unfolded, doesn’t mean I didn’t love every moment.”
– Zakhar