If you’ve ever awoken to a blaring alarm on a Monday morning, not yet fully conscious of where you are or even what your name is, you know exactly how I felt earlier this week.
Lying in bed, barely capable of unsticking my eyes, I felt an unmistakable rush of dread in my chest. Monday. The seemingly endless list of things I needed to do over the next few days- homework, studying, clubs to attend- scrolled through my mind like credits on a movie screen, and I groaned. From my half-open window I detected the patter of rain on concrete and immediately visualized the long trek from my room to the Humanities building … without rain boots.
So much for starting the week out right, I thought as I puttered around my room. Strapping on my watch, I realized the time was completely wrong, plus the battery was dead. My stomach was also growling insistently, but with no time to spare I crammed a granola bar into my mouth, shoved a change of “professional” clothes into my bag for my internship interview later, and hightailed it to class. That morning, stepping into the gray, rain-soaked world not only made me curse Long Island weather and question the usefulness of umbrellas, but it also nearly convinced me the day would be awful. I spent my first class attempting to keep my eyes open while fervently praying my professor wouldn’t call on me, as if she wouldn’t notice me out of the nine other students. During my next class I struggled significantly more to catch up, considering the lesson was in Chinese. Thinking about the impending doom of my interview, along with all of the homework and studying I needed to do later, I began to feel like hyperventilating or crying, or both. And it was only 1:00.
I will make today good. The thought suddenly came to me from some mystical place, a feather blown into my mind by the wind. Exhaling a shaky breath, I repeated the words to myself like a mantra, clenched my fists as if hardening my resolve, and continued on with my day.
How my next class and the interview went didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. What matters is, afterwards, I went for a run in one of my favorite neighborhoods off campus in the rain, planning to do five to six miles, but ended up doing nine because the cool raindrops felt good on my skin and I loved the rhythmic pounding of my feet on slick asphalt. By the time I got back to my room, showered, and sat down at my desk, I was ready to tackle my mountainous pile of homework. Later that night I also FaceTimed my family and wished my brother a happy birthday. That one hour of talking with them had me laughing and smiling nonstop, and for a little while everything else fell away. I felt as if my morning had been a completely different day, a lifetime ago.
I had promised myself I would make the day good, and I eventually did. The mind is powerful- often, telling yourself things will be okay allows you to truly believe it and take steps to make things better for yourself. Of course, wallowing in dejection and accepting that your day will be terrible may be the easy way out. But reminding yourself you have something to look forward to, or even better yet, that you can plan something to look forward to, shows that your happiness is really up to you.