I’ve been comfortably labeling myself as bisexual for the past six years. But “comfortably” means something different to everyone. For me, it was only coming out to my best friend and pretty much leaving it at that. I wanted to come out to my family or other close friends, but I never felt completely comfortable doing so. It wasn’t even that I didn’t think other people wouldn’t be supportive, it was more so just that I wasn’t ready for that.
My best friend is straight and also very religious. She was very accepting after I came out to her and always made an effort to listen to me when I talked about my thoughts, which I always appreciate. But sometimes when she said stuff, I recognized there were a lot of stereotypes about bisexuals than people assume.
Bisexuals oftentimes do not have a gender they prefer more than the other. One time my best friend said it seemed like I like guys more than I liked girls because I was talking about a male celebrity that I liked. Some bisexuals may have a preference for one gender but it shouldn’t be assumed that they do. It can often be affiliated with the idea that bisexuals are fifty-percent gay and fifty-percent straight, rather than just as its sexuality like it should be identified as. I always struggled with the fact that I never felt like I was queer enough to be included in the LGBTQ community, but I also wasn’t straight. Being told that it seemed like I liked guys more than girls seemed to like it was my best friend trying to enforce the idea that I was still somewhat straight. Liking both girls and guys is a fluid experience, everyone is different.
Bisexuals don’t find every person attractive, just like how a heterosexual female doesn’t find every male attractive or vise Versa. It plays into the idea that bisexuals could never be loyal in a relationship because they might be attracted to more genders than their partners. People see this as a threat to a relationship rather than something positive. Being attracted to multiple genders doesn’t mean someone is any less loyal or committed to a relationship, rather bisexuals want to be with their partner the most out of everyone they find attractive. There’s a huge stigma against bisexuals in the LGBTQ community for not being queer enough and that stigma is translated into relationships. There have been instances where heterosexuals don’t like being with someone who has been in a homosexual relationship, and homosexuals don’t like being with someone who has been in a heterosexual relationship. Bisexuals face many different conflicts while dating, they’re not any less committed to their partner and they deserve validation of their sexuality in their relationship.
(Image by Briana Tozour)
Sexuality is complicated and different for everyone. Everyone has different experiences and different comfort levels with things. What is important is that no matter what sexuality someone identifies as they deserve to feel validated and respected. If someone comes out to you, always give them the support and love they need for their journey.