Going to college is a stress-ridden experience filled with deadlines, all nighters and more assignments than you can count. Now imagine adding the care of a totally dependent child to that workload. This is the predicament of student mothers who simultaneously raise their children and earn their degrees. According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research  26% percent of all undergraduates, or 4.8 million students, are dependent children. In order to get the insider’s perspective on what it is like to be a student mom, I conducted an email interview with Leanne, a 27 year old junior here at Stony Brook who is working toward a Bachelor’s in Psychology while raising her daughter alone.
Do you believe your experience as a college student is different compared to other students who don’t have children?
Leanne: “Yes. I am a single parent and I work part time while also going to school full time. My time to study is very limited, basically after I get my daughter to bed which is 8pm. I then have to do my work but also get to bed at a reasonable hour to be up at 5am to get my daughter and myself ready. All students alike have school as their responsibility. I have 3 responsibilities: My daughter, school and work. My attention and energy is not permitted to go fully to my school work. I have to split it between all 3 priorities. It’s really tough and I struggle daily with it. If I give too much attention towards school, I then feel guilty for not giving enough attention towards my daughter. If I give too much attention to my daughter, I feel guilty for not giving enough attention towards my school. It is a constant struggle, one in which a student without a child or children can never experience. It’s not just a physical struggle but an emotional one, as well.”
Are there any services or accommodations you wish the university could/would provide you with?
Leanne: “More flexibility within the class scheduling. It has become severely difficult making a more flexible schedule for myself with such strict slots for classes. Also, not having priority registration, it becomes very difficult making a schedule. I am trying to better the future of myself and daughter and it’s hard when I want to take 5 classes and only can take 3 or 4 because of scheduling problems.”
Have you ever felt stereotyped or discriminated against because you were a student mom?
Leanne: “No, I have not. I have been praised when people find out or the surprise that I am a mom for all I take on. It’s an empowering feeling when people react like that because it’s what continues to motivate me to push on doing what I am doing. To show my daughter that anything is possible and no age is too old to go to school.”
What are the best and worst parts of being a student mom?
Best: Leanne: “Having a huge motivation when things get rough. Looking at my daughter continues to allow me to be motivated and push on to be the best. Being able to show my daughter that she can do anything, being living proof to her.”
Worst: Leanne: “Always feeling guilty of not having enough time. The little time I have to study and do my readings. Not able to take night classes. Having to miss class if my daughter becomes sick ( which is often since she is very young) then feeling stressed because professors aren’t forgiving that you miss class because your child is sick and you can’t afford a babysitter.”
Do you have anything else you would want college administrators, professors, fellow college students and the general public to know about what it’s like to be an student mom? Â
Leanne: “I think it is important for professors to be a bit more open minded to student moms. I have had my share of professors who are not understanding that I can’t come to class because my child is sick. I have been told it’s no excuse. I am a hardworking person with good grades. There should be some means of understanding or ability to make up for the absence if it matters that much the professor.”
What advice would you give to other student moms who are currently going to school or want to go school but are hesitant about it?
Leanne: “Make sure you have a good support system. Without my support system I would never be able to be where I am today. Know what you want to go to school for because it takes a lot from you. Be ready and willing to make the sacrifice of not having any social life whatsoever (it’s worth it). Last but not least, know that you are strong and capable of anything and never give up, no matter how long or scary it seems.”