“I want to be loved,” admits Jo March. “Women, they have minds and they have souls as well as just hearts. And they’ve got ambition and they’ve got talent as well as just beauty, and I’m so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I’m so sick of it! But… I am so lonely.” In just thirty-two seconds, Greta Gerwig’s 2019 film adaptation of Little Women managed to capture my entire life dilemma. The eldest sister has always condoned a life defined by marriage, yet she still finds herself in desire of love. Jo’s inner battle between principle and emotion perfectly parallels my own. I strongly believe in women’s empowerment and fighting for gender equality in the public sphere, from healthcare to politics. But I have a confession to make: I still love when a man opens the door for me.
Of course, I’ve never had the courage to admit this out loud. After all, modern society tells us that you can either be a strong and independent woman or a hopeless romantic, but not both. Yet I often wonder, why are the two considered mutually exclusive? There are some women who might view chivalry as an insult and a form of patronizing behavior. But there are also women who find happiness in these small gestures—does that make them a bad feminist? I’d argue not.
I think modern-day chivalry has evolved to the point that it’s not necessarily based on the notion of dominating a woman, but rather rooted in a form of respect. A boy might pull out the chair for his girlfriend, but does that mean he believes she’s incapable of doing so herself? Highly unlikely unless he’s from planet Mars. It’s better described as an act of kindness. Similarly, if a man offers to carry groceries for his wife after she’s had a long day at work, it couldn’t hurt to appreciate the helping hand, so long as he doesn’t impose or claim that she’s too weak to manage. When practiced in the right way, chivalry is, simply put, a means of expressing affection for one’s partner. That being said, chivalry should not be limited to a strictly one-way concept. A woman can certainly hold the door for her man, offer to pay the bill, or even drive her boyfriend to their date.
So for those girls who dream of a gentleman sweeping them off their feet, it’s not a crime. It doesn’t make you weak or a fake feminist. You’re allowed to have feelings, it’s perfectly human. And if you’re a gal who wants to hold her own doors, good for you! What’s so great about feminism is that it isn’t some monolithic ideal. We as a society are often inclined to develop our own set of boundaries and definitions. While categories offer a sense of comfort, we need to remember that not everything can fit neatly into a box—messy is perfectly ok too.