The Official Ranking: Studs of the Middle Earth

In tribute to 13 years of Middle Earth film awesomeness, I have a complete list of all the hotties in all six Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies. I’ll start off by categorizing the women of Middle Earth into two categories: the tall, ethereal, yet badass in their own way women, and the hardcore fighter chicks, who are incredibly badass and put the men to shame at certain points in both the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies.

In the Tall, Ethereal Yet Badass category, we have …

1.     Arwen (Liv Tyler)

1. Galadriel (Cate Blanchett)

And in the Hardcore Fighter Chicks category, we have…

1. Eowyn (Miranda Otto)

1. Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly)

And now, on to the men, Woohoo!

First off, we have the Honorable Mentions…

1. Frodo (Elijah Wood): He’s cute, and adorable, and I want to hug him, but…not in any way, shape or form is he sexy.

2. Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) Yes, he’s hot to some girls. He’s not that hot to me.

Finally, here is my Top 12 Studs of Middle Earth! (Why 12? That’s how many studs there are. Get over it)

12. Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch): is still the sexiest voice EVER. Plus the dragon’s a total boss, in that evil way that makes you just love him.

11. Faramir (David Wenham): I wish I could put him higher on the list..But he’s not in all the movies. Plus he’s a total asshole to Frodo in the second movie. But he’s a sexy asshole. I’m so confused.

10. Merry Brandybuck (Dominic Monaghan): I really wish I could put him higher on this list. I really do. He’s hot enough to make the list, but he’s not as hot as everyone else. The only reason he’s higher than Smaug is because Smaug is just a voice, and this guy has a real body.

9. Bofur (James Nesbitt): easily one of the sexiest dwarves in the Hobbit. Plus he’s the only one who is actually nice to Bilbo in the first movie.

8. Fili (Dean O’Gorman): he’s a hot human, and he’s a hot dwarf.

7. Kili (Aidan Turner): damn. He makes for a sexy vampire in Being Human, and an equally sexy dwarf in the Hobbit trilogy. *drool*

6. Legolas (Orlando Bloom): AKA the supermodel of Middle Earth who blinds the enemy with his good looks and fabulous hair. And he shield-surfs in the Two Towers while shooting orcs. How badass is that? Plus we get to see his asshole side in the Hobbit, which is awesome..and good looks run in the family!

5. Pippin Took (Billy Boyd): have you HEARD this man’s singing voice? *swoon* Easily the sexiest hobbit in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Plus he knows shortcuts to mushrooms!

4. Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman): he’s Martin Freeman. I don’t think I need to explain this one.

3. Bard the Bowman (Luke Evans): he was a sexy vampire in Dracula Untold, he’s a sexy…uh…guy who shoots Smaug? Yep. That’s what it is!

2. Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage): I literally squealed when I found his name on the cast list back in 2011. He’s a sexy spy in Spooks, and he’s an equally sexy dwarf. With an authentic beard, might I add.

1. King Thranduil (Lee Pace): OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!! Okay, I’ve calmed down. Seriously. This man can make cold hearted anger look super sexy. Plus, have you SEEN his hair? Man…