In today’s world, everything is fast—especially communication, and that’s changed the way we approach relationships. With the rise of social media, we can send information to hundreds of people simultaneously, but the personal aspect of sharing details with others is lost when a message is sent to a mass audience. When we’re busy forging our own paths, it’s easy to forget to take a beat and connect with those who supported us on the way. One hobby that’s helped me be more conscientious is writing letters.
My cousin sent me a letter during my freshman year of college, and we spent the rest of our college semesters being penpals. I can safely say that it greatly strengthened our relationship. We wrote to each other about our schedules, which classes were most difficult, plans we had with our friends, future goals, and what we thought about our individual college experiences. That is not to say we did not text between breaks at all, but our letters let us share our most important university experiences. I like that it gave me more time to think about what to write in response, and it felt like a personal conversation that we shared.
I currently have all our letters stored in a cookie tin, and it’s fun to read over them and reminisce about the past.
My experiences as a pen pal reminded me how communication isn’t just about what’s said. It’s also about how it’s delivered. Writing letters was a memorable experience, and I plan to use it more often after graduation as another mode of communication with my college friends.
The growing number of media platforms has made it easier to be more connected to people living at opposite ends of the world, but while the means of communicating have evolved, the components that make it meaningful are the same. Communicating to make a connection requires vulnerability—something that I find is lacking on social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook where only the happy moments are highlighted. I think we can all agree that the best relationships are those where we can count on others to be there to celebrate when we succeed and support us through our struggles. Whether it’s through a phone call, meeting up for coffee, or writing a heartfelt letter, we can show others that we care about them.
There’s a piece of advice that’s especially popular among Gen Z’ers and millennials, which is that the relationships (platonic and romantic) that are meant to be will stay, while it’s simply a matter of accepting that the wrong relationships will fade. However, I argue that this mindset can be misconstrued to rationalize a lack of effort in maintaining healthy relationships.
Certainly, there are types of friends who are meant to only stay in your life for a short time, but the way to figure out the ones that are worth keeping is to keep working at them. A part of that for me is being open to compromise in the ways we keep in touch with others. I find by communicating in the methods that make others feel appreciated ends up making you feel more appreciated in return.
I still love sending/receiving memes and will continue posting on social media, but I’ll also mix them up with slower, more thoughtful modes of communication.
Simply put,
“Relationships are like houseplants. They all need love and care, but they make your life beautiful in return.”