It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights, it’s time to face the fact that Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are not a good couple. Frankly, there has been no point in the Muppet cannon that can convince me otherwise, and I say none of this as a Muppet hater. Quite the opposite actually, I am a huge Muppet fan (before you ask, my favorite Muppet is Thog). As a fan, I can say Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy need to stop trying to make it work because it’s not going to work. They are two very different people –well Muppets– with two different goals for their relationship.
Miss Piggy wants commitment, as demonstrated in the two 2010 movies, mostly in Muppets: Most Wanted. When asked what the next movie should be she happily offers up the idea of them getting married, which Kermit shuts down quickly. It’s their “thing”, but it’s not. Their commitment levels do not match each other’s. We see Piggy give up a high-paying and dream job in Paris to rejoin the Muppets crew to be with Kermit when he asks, only to be let down again and again. Kermit wants to focus on the Muppet brand while Miss Piggy wants a life with her frog. Yet when she is finally fed up and leaves, he suddenly wants and promises her commitment. He only wants to be around her when it’s convenient for him or gets his business further.
But when you think of Kermit, you probably think of the charismatic frog with a band of cute friends who get into silly shenanigans and hijinx, right? If you watch the original Muppet Show, you see the real Kermit. He constantly puts Miss Piggy down and makes her feel like she’s too much and also allows his friends to make the same jokes. He says she is overreacting in The Great Muppet Caper, resulting in them getting into a screaming match until she cries saying she’s just doing her best. It’s not just this. He constantly makes bacon jokes or screams in her face when frustrated. When he’s a jealous prick who disrespects Piggy’s career, we ignore it or laugh it off and only focus on the cute moments between them because they are more marketable.
While I have harped on Kermit being a bad partner, there is one fact that makes Miss Piggy equally as bad. In moments of conflict or the jokes about her being made, she karate chops Kermit. Which is never okay; even if the jokes are harmful, she should not be striking him. In no world should you strike your partner so hard you are knocking them over, but Miss Piggy does, a lot. Yet, they stay together and are marketed as a pair! To be fair, there aren’t many other options. While Kermit is married to his career, who has Miss Piggy got? Foozie bear? No.
I really hope in further Muppet media that they permanently split the pair up, because they do their best work when separated, and I don’t care what that one performance of “Rainbow Connection” says. That one more proves the Muppets work together best as a family, but really when they are a part they are at their best.
‘But every franchise needs a marketable couple, Haley!’, I hear you say, but I raise you this! Gonzo and Camilla, who were together before fame, and have stayed together through fame and after fame. They don’t mock or psychically harm each other, they just exist as a couple who provide acts to the Muppets. So why stick with the unhealthy pig and frog narrative, when instead you could rock with the, whatever Gonzo is supposed to be, and chicken relationship?
It’s because it’s more comical to watch a pig karate chop a frog who made a joke about bacon than the healthy and supportive relationship that Gonzo and Camilla have. Harm gets a laugh, but it’s not funny. It shows the audience that these things aren’t serious and something to be laughed at, and that shouldn’t be the case. It teaches people from a young age that abuse and harm to your partner is okay. Why is it funny to make the person you care most about hurt? Why is it funny when a girlfriend strikes her boyfriend? Adding a laugh track to a harmful relationship doesn’t make it funny, but normalizes it. So if you want the truth of the best Muppet relationship, don’t look to Kermit and Miss. Piggy, look to any other couple.