Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence
How to Recognize Domestic Violence
In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, this article will address different types of domestic violence and abuse within relationships and how to spot them so that individuals can take action to keep themselves safe and protected.Â
Domestic Violence can be a seriously stigmatized subject. There are countless survivors, with most, but not all of them being women, who after speaking out on the subject, have expressed uncertainty and fear about having done so. When did it become shameful to speak out about being mistreated? Far too often, survivors hesitate to reach out for help or tell others about their situation because they are fearful of what others will think of them if they admit that they are being abused. It is never acceptable to mistreat another person in this way, and it is even less acceptable to make people feel ashamed or embarrassed because of what has been done to them. As a society, we need to do better to ensure that survivors feel safe to speak out about what atrocities are committed against them, so they feel comfortable to seek help when they need it. The first step to speaking out comes when people recognize what domestic violence looks like.
First and foremost, it is imperative to understand that domestic violence is not just physical. Domestic violence refers to any abuse between intimate partners, often living in the same household (Britannica). Abuse is not just physical, but can also be mental/psychological, sexual, emotional, and financial. Let’s inspect each of these types of abuse in-depth.
Physical abuse is when someone harms the body of another person. It is the most commonly thought of when the word “abuse” is brought up, simply because it can leave a tangible mark. Physical abuse can look like black eyes, marks, bruises, cuts, or other inflictions upon the body.
Mental abuse is, in my opinion, one of the most dangerous forms because it is very subtle, and most of the time, people do not even realize that it has happened or is happening to them (Healthline). Mental abuse involves a systematic attempt to instill fear in a person or manipulate one’s thoughts or actions. The abuser commonly uses intimidation tactics like making threats, stalking, gaslighting, or displaying violent gestures. Sometimes it is difficult to recognize when you are being manipulated. Here are some common phrases used to gaslight or manipulate someone:
- “You’re crazy.”
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
- “It’s not a big deal, you’re blowing things out of proportion.”
- “Why are you always so defensive?”
- “You always play the victim.”
Oftentimes, these phrases are meant to twist reality and make the target feel belittled and embarrassed. These are tactics used by the abuser to assert control over the situation and make the survivor question if they are the one acting unacceptably. When you hear these phrases, make sure to calmly take a step back (both physically and mentally) and establish what you know to be true about the situation and how you both are acting. With a bit of space, it should become evident that these are practiced phrases deliberately meant to harm you and make you feel less than. (Unfilteredd.net)
Sexual abuse is any action that pressures or coerces a person into sexual acts without their consent. This is also known as rape or sexual assault (Healthline). Statistically, most women experience sexual violence from current/former husbands or intimate partners. More than 640 million women (26%) 15 years or older have experienced violence from their intimate partners (unwomen.org). It is also important to remember sexual violence does not just happen to women. Women are the main victims of sexual assault within relationships, but it unfortunately can happen to anyone. Sexual abuse oftentimes comes from acquaintances (59% of perpetrators) or family members (34% of perpetrators), while only some abusers (7% of perpetrators) were strangers to the victim (rainn.org).
Emotional abuse refers to belittling and degrading remarks that are often screamed at by a person. The most common form of this is negative comments that are meant to decrease a person’s self-esteem by insulting and criticizing them. This form of abuse is often verbal but can be present in body language as well. Threatening body language or facial expressions that show disgust to degrade a target are also commonly used (Healthline).Â
Financial abuse is when an abuser tries to control a victim’s finances. This means they are trying to control their target’s ability to acquire money, use it, and maintain it. It creates a financial dependency that leaves the victim without options, making it so that they must rely on the abuser. This can look like the abuser controlling all household finances, denying the target access to bank accounts, or not allowing them to work (Healthline). A prime example of financial abuse is the case of Britney Spears. Britney’s father, Jamie Spears, enacted a conservatorship over her, allowing him to have full control over all of her financial decisions. After several years, the job was given to a court-appointed care professional. This did not change anything, and Britney could not get married or have children, was forced to perform shows, and had to take medication she didn’t want. Britney’s case was severe, but it shows how even basic rights can be taken away by an abuser and can be difficult to reclaim.Â
Hopefully, now that we have explored different types of violence and abuse, as well as defined them, it will be easier to recognize situations where these misdemeanors occur. It is never easy to speak up and admit that terrible things have been done to you, but remaining in a relationship that is centered on domestic violence will only result in more suffering. In honor of domestic violence awareness month, find the courage and strength to speak up if you or anyone you know is experiencing something like this and take control of your life again.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
Sources:
Domestic violence | Definition, Statistics, & Hotline | Britannica
6 Types of Domestic Violence: Signs of Abuse, How to Get Help (healthline.com)
100 Common Gaslighting Phrases (Survey) – Unfilteredd
Facts and figures: Ending violence against women | UN Women – Headquarters
Perpetrators of Sexual Violence: Statistics | RAINN
Britney Spears: Singer’s conservatorship case explained (bbc.com)