Breaking the Chains of Approval: A Guide to Overcoming People Pleasing

Are you someone who often puts others’ needs and desires before your own at the expense of your own happiness? Do you find yourself saying “yes” to things you’d rather not do just to avoid disappointing others? If so, welcome to the people-pleasing club. I, myself, am a part of this club. One of my goals this year is to stop being a people pleaser and start putting myself first instead of the other way around. It’s time to break free from trying to make others happy 24/7, embracing authenticity, and staying true to yourself. While I do still struggle with trying to please others, I find myself becoming less of a people pleaser everyday. Here are some tips I want to share with those who find themselves constantly saying yes to everything.     

1. Self-Reflection: Realizing you are a people pleaser is the first step to changing your bad habits. Take time to reflect on your behavior and identify instances where you tend to prioritize others over yourself. Realize that you have a choice. Your gut instinct may be to say yes, but it is important to understand that you have the option to say no. Having self-awareness is the first step towards change. 
2. Learn to say “NO”: This, for me, is the hardest part of trying to stop being a people pleaser. Sometimes, people-pleasing can become such an ingrained habit that you have to tell yourself that it is okay to say “no.” It’s okay to put yourself first and say “no” if someone asks you for something you don’t want to do. The more you start sticking up for yourself and saying “no,” the easier it gets.     
3. Stop making excuses: The moment you stop making excuses, you’ll have more time and energy to do what you really want to do. You’ll feel more in control of your life and less of a victim to other people’s demands. Next time someone asks for a favor or asks you to do something that takes up your time or energy, just politely reject their request without an excuse. I know for me, I always come up with an excuse when, in reality, I just don’t want to do it. It’s okay if they don’t understand at first because chances are they will eventually see why it’s important for you. 

Breaking free from the cycle of pleasing people is a journey towards self-discovery. Embracing your true self, asserting boundaries, and prioritizing your own well-being are essential steps for gaining more confidence. Remember, it is okay to say no, prioritize your needs, and set healthy boundaries. By letting go of the need for constant approval and validation, you open the door to genuine connections and a more fulfilling existence.