It is not lost on us how many thought daughters and LGBTQ+ readers we have here. So if you are the dark horse of your family and the holidays approaching feel more like a slow creep of doom rather than a joyful time, don’t be too quick to panic. Take a deep breath and let’s reassess together.
Who are you spending the holidays with?
Friends–
Family is not defined by blood so celebrate with whoever has changed your life for the better. If it’s your friends from college who are the only ones that see you for you, organize a Friendsgiving before the actual holiday. Remember friendsgiving is about love and love is not measured in the amount of money you’ve spent on your meal. Your friends will understand if they are your true friends! Check with them if they are comfortable being a point of contact when you need them during a tumultuous holiday time. And offer the same support to them.
Professors–
Was it a professor who made you feel seen and heard this semester? Think of how you can share a special holiday with them. Maybe you want to take some time before winter break to drop off a Christmas present at their office. Or if money is an issue, they will still love a thoughtful email about how they’ve enriched your life.
Uneducated Family–
It is never easy to hear your loved ones debate your validity straight across from you. I cannot stress enough how important it is to withhold blowing up at Grandpa and instead take a break. Grandpa and Grandma come from different generations and raising your voice does not automatically make them hear you.
You should especially hold your tongue if speaking up is unsafe for you. I do not want any of you lovelies to be caught having to defend yourself against the entire dinner table. Know when the family is inclined to gang up on each other. And if you have other family members who are being ganged up on, I recommend you share this advice with them. Step away from the table together and find a quiet room. In this place of solace, free yourself to have a quick cry, read a chapter of your favorite book, or phone a friend.
Judgemental Family–
We unfortunately know the type. Certain families can make wildly insensitive comments about your sexuality, gender identity, career, or medical history. Sometimes it’s unintentional and other times it’s cruel and uncalled for. Remember that you are the person in control. You know yourself better than they do. It could feel impossible to hold your own, but all it takes is patience and quiet confidence. If you are reading this, you are worthy, smart, capable, and caring. You know it deep down. Now don’t forget it, please!
Flawed Family–
If you are one of these people who see flaws in your family but would never stray in your love for them, that’s valid too. All families have their issues. As long as you are not being disrespected, sometimes you’ll have to find the charm in the dysfunction and the chaos. Be emotionally available for your family when a helping hand is needed. After all, Taylor Swift was right in that sometimes their pain just fits perfectly in the palm of our freezing hand. We know the ways they break but we’ve seen them enough times before their breaking point to know it’s possible to put them back together.
Have your holiday plans changed?
I hope this was of any service to you. Before I go, I’d like to acknowledge those who had little things happen to throw off the season. Flights get canceled and families get sick. If you have absolutely no one to spend the holidays with, there are entire communities and organizations here for you. Visit a shelter on Christmas to see some true holiday spirit in action. Find joy within the community at your local church. Try and start up a chat with another peer in the University of Tampa’s own Never Alone and find online support groups to ring in the New Year with.
Happy holidays to all our HerCampus readers. Keep those hearts away from being three sizes too small.