Growing up in the “City of Brotherly Love,” I have always felt acceptance. There have been questioning moments from those whom I came out to, but there has always been acceptance and love. I have felt hate as well. Hate is ever present, and will always exist as such, in some margin. Hate is toxic, will eat you alive, and spit you out to rot. Hate is one of our greatest downfalls.
I came out as bisexual to a handful of friends when I was in the 7th grade. A chord had struck me, and it was as if a light went off and all of a sudden, girls were beautiful in a way they hadn’t been before. Most of my friends brushed it off, I was known for doing weird things, and this was a new concept for many of us. This was also at the time when those anonymous “ask me anything” came into power- this was my downfall. I would sit in front of my screen and read hateful words for hours. I could not, and did not want to take my words back, and deny myself, but I realize it would have been an easy option. We fear the unknown.
I eventually found a support system of friends, told my brother about how I felt, and changed my identification from bisexual to pansexual. I lived this way for years, and soon many people disregarded my previous words, whether they say it was just a “phase” of mine, or that they genuinely forgot what I had announced as a young teenager. I was always in a state of limbo with my sexuality. As in suburban Philadelphia, there weren’t many other girls on the same part as the spectrum as me, and of those girls, there was no mutual attractions. Although I was comfortable with my feelings for other humans, I doubted myself many days.
Coming to college in another accepting city was a blessing. I was able to be open with who I was, who I liked, and be involved with whomever I liked without a constant overbearing. It was a huge weight off of my chest. I could be myself, and be happy with that. Coming out is a major part of anyone’s life if it is something they feel the need to go through. But becoming true and one with yourself is the ultimate reward.