The Importance of Self Reflection
In a world filled with constant distractions, when was the last time you paused to reflect on your day? For most, the thought doesn’t even cross their mind because it’s not a priority. After a busy day of school, work, activities, or hanging out with friends, all you want to do is reset your mind right? And what is the easiest method that you usually resort to? Taking out your phone to scroll through Instagram Reels for hours on end? Thought so.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with scrolling…in moderation. But what if, instead of automatically reaching for your phone, you tried doing…nothing?
I know – sounds boring, right? Think again.
Our brains are always busy. But instead of filling the gaps with endless scrolling, what if you spent just 10 minutes reflecting? Think about your day, how you’re feeling, and what you want to change.
Why is this important? If you’re unsatisfied with something—whether it’s how a day went, how someone made you feel, or something more personal—it’s much easier to address the issue if you understand what’s really bothering you and why. If you ever need to communicate these feelings to someone else, self-awareness makes it easier to articulate your needs clearly, so you can work together to find a solution. Without reflection, though, you lose the chance to identify and address the root cause of your frustrations, and those problems can linger.
In this article, I’ll share simple strategies to help you become more self-aware. By taking a few moments each day to reflect, you can take control of your life and end the silent frustration that may have been holding you back.
Where to Reflect
We all have busy lives, so there’s totally no need to plan out a specialized time to lay on the bed or couch to reflect. You can easily integrate reflection into your existing routine.Â
Replace internet distractions with reflection in one or more of the following scenarios:
- Walking to work, school, or class
- Cooking a meal
- Eating a meal
- Working out
- Waiting for work or class to start after arriving early
Personally, I think it’s easiest to reflect while laying in bed either in the middle of the day or before I go to sleep, but you decide what works for you.
Think Logically, and Be as Specific and Honest as Possible
Remember, the reflection time is for you, and only you. Don’t be afraid to be honest, because no one is going to know how you feel or what you did wrong unless you tell them. If you’re dishonest, it’ll be more difficult for you to reach a solution.
Logical thinking is also crucial. For example, if you made a mistake, your ego may resort to blaming someone else. That’s called leading with emotion. In some cases, your problem might actually be someone else’s fault, but not always. By leading with emotion, you’re maintaining a victim mindset, and this will hinder you from reaching the problem solving stage. Remind yourself that your mind is a judgment free zone.Â
In order to be able to identify the root cause of the problem, you need to be very specific about acknowledging what the situation was, and what changed in the moment that resulted in your current emotional state. The things you discover may be painful at first, but that pain is temporary, and you’re enduring this in service of something greater.
Here’s an example:
How do you feel?Â
Disappointed in myself
What happened?
I went to a dinner party and I didn’t talk to anyoneÂ
Why?
Because I felt awkward
Why did you feel awkward?Â
Because everyone was at least 10 years older than me, most people were already involved in a conversation, and I felt weird about approaching people in the middle of their conversation.
Was every single person there actually talking to someone already?
I mean…there was one woman who was getting a drink at the bar by herself.
So why didn’t you talk to her?
I wasn’t sure what to talk to her about. I don’t know what I’d have in common with someone of her age. And I was afraid that she was gonna talk about something that I had no knowledge about.
What do you think would’ve happened if you had just asked what she was talking about?
She would’ve thought I was ignorant
Ok, so the reason why you didn’t talk to anyone was because you thought you had no possible way of connecting with people of a different age range, and you thought they would have no interest in explaining a topic to you that you weren’t as informed on as they are?
Correct.
Decide How You’re Going to Fix The Problem
Acknowledging the root cause of the problem is step one, but this problem won’t disappear unless you take action, and decide how to address the issue. Sometimes it’s helpful to pretend that someone else has your problem and is asking you what they should do about it. This is because you’re not as attached to the other person’s emotions as you are to your own, so it’s a lot easier to think objectively. Let’s continue with the previous example.
If someone asked you to explain a topic to them that they weren’t informed about, how would you feel?
I would feel smart, but not in a condescending way. I would think the person who asked me is curious and willing to learn. I would feel helpful that I’d have the chance to enlighten someone and teach them something new.
If someone else told you that they were worried that the person they’re conversing with will find them ignorant, what would you tell them?
Well, they’d probably be glad to explain a topic that they’re well informed about. And if they do think you’re ignorant, it doesn’t really matter because you’ll probably never see this person again, and if you do, that also doesn’t matter because you don’t need them for anything.
What are you going to do next time you have to go to a dinner party or some sort of social gathering?
Think about who might be there, what they might want to talk about, and write down some starter questions so that I don’t have the problem of not knowing how to approach a conversation.
Additional Tips
- It may be easier to streamline your thoughts and think more logically if you write down your reflection, like I did above or however works for you.Â
- While experiencing a situation in real-time, take a mental note of exactly what changed when you experience a mood shift.
- Remain kind to yourself. If you made a mistake, that does not mean you have to beat yourself up. This is a constructive process and the overall point of this reflection is to elevate yourself, not worsen your self-image.