If you’re like me, you’ve had this idea ingrained into you by your American parents to find a skill, go to school, get a job, get married, get a house, have kids, and finally retire so you can enjoy the rest of your time. It seems easy; just follow the steps, and you’ll live a happy and successful life. However, you start to notice yourself becoming weaker day by day. That interest you had in Franco-English language history fades into the background as you make your seventh iced caramel cappuccino of the day. You finish your shift and retreat back into your room as you recoup for the next day of work, followed by class. The cycle continues. You burn out. Suddenly, you have no hobbies, no interests, and no friends. You’re working towards that goal you had, but at what cost? You’re absolutely miserable, yet you hold onto this belief that it will all get better in the end. That’s the American dream.Â
The French don’t believe in that. In fact, most Europeans will tell you that they don’t believe in this kind of American progress. They see history as cyclical. They see jobs as just jobs. But they see life as something to be lived. I may sound pessimistic, but if there is one thing I have learned from my immersion in France, it is that no day is a given and that you should not spend it on the future but on the present. They will tell you that, eventually, events will repeat themselves. Taking a history class on France during the Second World War, I can confirm they are reasonable in their perspective. You can see this sort of generational trauma from the War is still present in the population. So, they have learned to cope with this nihilistic idea through culture. They take pride in their arts, music, language, and identity. They spend numerous hours surrounded by people, both close and distant. An afternoon is spent in the local gallery or reading a novel in the park. Each meal is two hours long, filled with updates about the so-called mundane quirks of life by friends. The cooks will pour their heart and soul into your dish, yet expect nothing more than a merci et bonne soirĂ©e. Â
People act like people. Â
This was one of the most difficult reverse culture shocks coming back to the States. Suddenly, at work, there was the expectation to greet a customer and go through a laundry list of questions and answers about someone’s day meanwhile scrambling to make sure all the orders got out as quick as possible and were absolutely perfect. That’s insane! I realized from the French that mistakes happen, people can wait, and you are not the equivalent of your job. You are a human who requires just as much time, care, and consideration as the person on the other end. This is not to say to drop quality or to be lazy, but to be honest. You can say no. You don’t have to do it all. You take each day one step at a time and enjoy it.Â
I understand this is coming from a place of privilege and security and that not everyone can go off to a museum in the evening or spend less time studying. This is not meant to bash American ideals and praise the French. But what each person can do is slow down, take a breath, and live. The future will come, but the present is already here. How you are now is what determines how you will be. And I can promise that if you take care of your needs now, you will achieve that dream, and you will be much prouder of the life you lived than the one you had for show.Â