Most college students can relate to feeling that their parents still baby them when they initially go off to experience the world for themselves. Most people’s parents eventually understand that their kids are growing up and back off a little, but what about those who don’t want to let go? If it wasn’t clear from the title, I’m talking about my parents, and how even at the age of 21 I still feel like their little girl.
My experience is a little different than others as a transfer student. I did my first two years of school living at home. This was filled with challenging my parents and seeing how far I could push their limits regarding the time I spent out of the house. I remember my friends telling me, “Just text your parents you’re spending the night, you’re grown” and it seemed like maybe I was the only one whose parents made me feel guilty for not being at home. I was handed adult responsibilities from a very young age, yet I could not act like an adult.
As the time to transfer approached, I remember itching to move out. Even if it were only for two years, I could finally enjoy adulthood to its fullest extent. My dad was dreading me moving out, often telling me that I did not need to go far for college. When it was decided where I was transferring to, he even suggested I make the hour commute to campus – thankfully my mom knew that wasn’t realistic for me. As glad as I am to have picked a university not so far from home, every week has been filled with my parents asking me if I’m coming home. As much as I love them and know they miss me, it makes me feel insanely guilty.
I feel this guilt eat me up whenever I hang out with my friends. My head gets clouded with thoughts like they’re under the impression that they sent me here to be studious and I’m doing the opposite or the classic they’d be so mad if they knew I was doing this. Having two immigrant parents who have dedicated all their time to working has internalized the idea that time to myself is time poorly spent. I feel guilty for most of my experiences outside of the house, such as being able to get an education and having a greater amount of independence than most Hispanic women my age may ever get to have.
I know they do the things they do out of care. Having a daughter who left the house for academic reasons and not because she’s starting a family is culturally new for them. At the end of the day, it’s about working through that guilt and having open conversations about how I may not be going through my early 20s the same way they did, but I’m still an adult.